The Internet can be a strange place.
For instance, one of the most popular search terms that leads to my blog is German army uniform 2012.
Sure, once I posted a photo of some German soldiers in Paris — but military uniforms are clearly not my niche, so I’m not sure why that term refers me so much traffic.
Or take the squirrel above — spammers love that photo. For some reason it gets the most comments out of any photo on the site.
Granted, he’s a cute little guy. But again…barely related to what I write about.
So for April Fool’s Day, I thought I’d share some of the strangest, funniest, wackiest search terms that have somehow led people to my blog:
There’s no such thing as a dumb question…
“what drinks can you get at the guinness storehouse?”
“what country are you in if you are eating azerbaijan?”
“if a white person grows up in china do they sound chinese?”
“can i travel overseas with a cat that doesnt belong to me?”
Probably not. Though I can’t blame you for wanting to.
The problems I can’t help you with:
“sometimes i wished i was white so i can understand doctor who”
“is no no safe for me, i am asian and i have white hair coming through on my chin”
Nothing wrong with a few grays, man.
The #humblebrag:
“i’m an attractive asian female backpacking europe alone”
“i am overwhelmed by the westerners compliment me on my look”
What exactly are you looking for with this search term, anyway?
What does this have to do with me?
“where to buy gutters in Nairobi?”
“balestier road pub is dark but woman is aged”
I think there are probably a few aged women in the pubs on Balestier Road…
Strangely specific queries:
“do portuguese canadian guys like blondes”
“watered down biracial baby with a mongolian spot”
“‘i wish i were french canadian right now’ an ancestral slur”
“white stepmom teaches stepson asian accent”
You can’t make this stuff up.
On the subject of race…
“if i’m part asian does it still make me racist”
“how to deal politely with a south african scottish racist”
“my girlfriend is white, how can i insult racists without hurting her feelings”
I’m going to refer you to Avenue Q for this one…
Oddly specific searches for my name:
“edna z blob”
“thanks edna yeah were enjoying the weather”
“edna just magic inside”
I’m just a blob full of magic inside.
And the winner for most ridiculous search term:
“is it acceptable to shout nee hao to any asian?”
No, no it is not.
Fellow bloggers — what are the craziest search terms you’ve found on your site?
20 Comments
Helin
April 1, 2013 at 22:15Haha I want more posts like this! Disappointing about the non-owned cat, though.
Ann
April 1, 2013 at 22:22Ha ha. Love the last one. We need to do a PSA.
Yesterday I saw this search term: “What is the name of a bakery in Paris that has an dancing in the basement”
I wonder what “an” is…?
Shannon O'Donnell
April 1, 2013 at 22:27Tears, tears in my eyes. I guffawed very, very loudly on the Azerbaijan query. This post is just magic :)
Brainy Pint Sizer
April 1, 2013 at 22:27Giggling. Seriously, giggling — with spaces of ‘Oh my God’ and several shakings of the head included.
Steph - The Event Crashers
April 1, 2013 at 23:03This is such a great idea! I LOVE seeing the things that somehow bring people to the Event Crashers! Some of my favorites: “things couples don’t discuss” “where to buy a blue jay” and “does rum give you the chills”
Thanks for prompting this!
Tia
April 1, 2013 at 23:05This is so funny! People always search “ways to fatten up your boyfriend” when stumbling upon mine!
Jill
April 2, 2013 at 00:35I love search terms! It really makes you wonder how Google actually works… Some of these queries make it sound like people are treating the search bar like their diaries!
My all-time favorite search term for my blog is, “Arab Butt Cheeks.” I have no clue how that led someone to my site, and I’m sure they were disappointed!
lostnchina
April 2, 2013 at 02:49Cheer up, Edna Z. Blob, at least people don’t find you with terms such as “toiletgaystories”, “dark fetish house”, “grandma baby panties”, and “too fat to live in china”, “am i fat in china”, “how to say fat in china in mandarin”.
Jacki
April 2, 2013 at 12:57I’m embarrassed to say that most of mine involve “Prostitute in Amsterdam,” “Naked Icelandic Women,” “Mom hj” (which yes, I think is handjob.) I *almost* feel sorry for people using those search terms and then land in my world.
Megan
April 2, 2013 at 16:27Haha, I loved “sometimes i wished i was white so i can understand doctor who”. I wasn’t aware that only white people could understand that show..
I’ve gotten hits on “women in waterfalls”; “do you have to get naked with icelandics in the blue lagoon?”; “the netherlands are so adorable”; “what type of food india eats”; and “define opulent”.
Alex @ ifs ands & butts
April 3, 2013 at 00:05These are the best search terms I’ve seen! Particularly: “what country are you in if you are eating azerbaijan?” and the Canadian Portuguese guy. I know the Internet holds the answer to nearly everything but pretty sure it can’t read people’s minds just yet!
Lauren
April 3, 2013 at 02:11Nee hao!
Today I got “zombie hamsters.” It filled me with pride.
Danielle
April 3, 2013 at 11:21Hahaha, I <3 this. People stumble upon sites in the oddest ways. The most recent search keywords I appreciated: "how much for a beer or wine in paris 2013." Apparently I can help with these kinds of things ;)
Jessica Hill
April 3, 2013 at 14:46These are hilarious! I particularly love, “do portuguese canadian guys like blondes.” Uh, how many Portuguese Canadians do you know? Did you really think the internet could help you with that one?
Over at my site, my most popular search term is “girl peeing on side of road.” Now that’s classy.
George
April 24, 2013 at 18:31“how to deal politely with a south african scottish racist”
Difficult but not impossible. If you are dealing with a boer racist it is another story. Most afrikaaner women and girls think Asian men and women are ugly and beneath them.
Anne
April 30, 2013 at 03:40HAHAHA! Oh my gosh that is hilarious. I laughed for five minutes straight and everyone around me was giving me weird looks.
Ceri
May 15, 2013 at 22:17OMG I’m dying! Hahaaaaa, what?? I get some pretty strange terms too. I haven’t put them in a post for a while. Might be time for an update.
Daisy
June 7, 2013 at 23:51Hi Edna! I hope you don’t mind that I put a link to this post on my most recent blog post. I just thought it was so memorable that I had to include it.
http://coolcookstyle.com/2013/06/07/oven-roasted-baby-back-ribs-part-ii/
Hope that all is going well in Paris. And happy birthday again!
Oven-Roasted Baby Back Ribs, Part II | coolcookstyle
June 7, 2013 at 23:56[…] couple of months ago, Edna published a post about some of the strange search terms that have led […]
Kieu ~ GQ trippin
June 12, 2013 at 07:48Our top search is “groped in India”.. I will forever be known as that girl. Lol.. Also, I’ve been called “Oriental” – love that Avenue Q. haha, great post, E!