The sad thing about family traditions is that sometimes you don’t recognize them until you’ve left the nest and moved halfway across the world. Then the holidays strike and you suddenly realize that you miss things like dragon dances, steamed buns and sticky rice, and seeing your city washed in a sea of red decorations.
You realize that most people around you aren’t wearing red underwear because they were born in the Year of the Snake. Most of your friends aren’t cleaning their houses and getting haircuts on New Year’s Eve because it’s forbidden to do so on New Year’s Day (you’re sweeping and chopping away your good fortune for the coming year, you see).
When you’re little you think these rituals are just the way the world works; your family’s doing them so the whole world must be following suit. You don’t cherish these moments as much as you should, because you don’t know to. You don’t realize these moments are fleeting.
My first few years abroad, I never minded being away for the holidays. I was trying to assert my independence, to ‘find myself’ by spending Thanksgivings and Christmases and New Year’s overseas with other ‘worldly’ people.
But something changed at 23 — maybe because I’ve seen how close my fiancé is with his family — as this past Thanksgiving I had a good cry about not being back in Pennsylvania. And this weekend, as I stayed in Paris for Chinese New Year, I once again had to fight back the tears.
Even more painful was finally understanding exactly what my parents gave up by immigrating. Going home for Chinese New Year is such an intense feeling, an unquestioned ritual (it’s the world’s largest annual human migration) — more than any sense of obligation I felt for American holidays. Not being with my family for Chinese New Year felt like as big a loss as missing both Thanksgiving + Christmas, multiplied by 100.
But that was my choice. I’m able to go home, really, if I want to. My parents didn’t have that choice. They had jobs they couldn’t leave, kids to take care of at home.
I felt terrible not making it home for the last two Chinese New Years.
I can’t imagine the heart-wrenching pain of missing the last 26.
***
That’s not to say I still didn’t have a wonderful weekend full of joy and celebration.
Oh I made sure of that — it is MY year, after all.
By a happy coincidence of timing I was given four days off work, which made the weekend feel a bit more New Year’s-y (in Singapore all my friends were given four-day weekends as well).
On New Year’s Eve I went to dim sum with a group of friends in Chinatown; during lunch we happened to see a dragon dance with Chinese drums and fireworks pass outside our window. Bubble tea, of course, was dessert. Afterwards we stopped into the large Chinese grocery, Tang Frères — I didn’t need to buy anything, I just wanted to walk around and reminisce as I browsed through aisle after aisle stocked full of Chinese food stuffs I loved and recognized from my childhood.
That evening some Irish friends threw an impromptu gathering at their place and we ate and drank and danced till the wee hours of the morning. It was grand; I’m thankful to have found such a solid group of friends.
New Year’s Day
Traditionally, my first meal of the Chinese New Year is not cajun themed — but when given the chance to attend a pop-up three-course beer lunch, complete with a live band from Louisiana, I’m not going to say no. Especially when joined by two of my best friends in Paris, Emily and Diane.
Highlights of the meal — which took place in a fantastic little dive by Gare de Lyon — included shrimp remoulade, jambalaya with a Brooklyn IPA, and beignets with chicory caramel sauce paired with a chocolate porter. Start as you mean to go on, am I right?
We expats all make sacrifices in order to live out our dreams. It breaks my heart a little more each year that I’m not home for Chinese New Year.
But for now, to be able to spend an entire weekend filled with nothing but good food, good beer, good music and good friends — that’s not a bad substitute, and I’d say a pretty good start to any year.
With decorations this adorable, it’s hard not to have a good year. Gong xi fa cai!
17 Comments
Jennifer Louise
February 11, 2013 at 18:13I know where you’re coming from with the traditions thing- I totally regret not spending more time with my family. I hope you had a great Chinese New Year.
Jennifer xx
Please check out my blog at asprinklingofeuphoria.blogspot.co.uk
edna
February 12, 2013 at 02:31Thanks Jennifer. Hope you have a good year as well!
Ashley of Ashley Abroad
February 11, 2013 at 21:46Beautifully written post, Edna. And where was that parade?
edna
February 12, 2013 at 02:33Thanks Ashley! The parade I caught a glimpse of was in the 13th, near Porte d’Ivry — last year I went to one in Place d’Italie, and I know there’s ones at Hotel de Ville and Belleville as well.
Jessica
February 12, 2013 at 00:10Beautiful post. Missing holidays and special occasions is always difficult. I’m glad you found a nice way to celebrate anyway. Happy year of the snake! :)
edna
February 12, 2013 at 02:34Thanks Jessica, I’m sure you know just as well as I do how hard it is. Happy new year to you too! :)
Daisy
February 12, 2013 at 04:46I feel very fortunate to be able to spend the Chinese New Year with my family almost every year. When I was living away from them, I do remember that the holiday was hard. I’m glad that you got to celebrate with friends and good food, Edna. And big hugs from the states this Happy New Year.
Christine
February 12, 2013 at 16:37Have been feeling the same way this morning–when I was growing up, Mardi Gras always meant crepe night! My mom would make crepes with all different fillings because originally, you were meant to use up all of your fats and sugars before Lent. Sometimes we’d have friends over, other times it would be just the two of us–but I have such great memories of it, and I’m a bit sad that I didn’t pull things together to do a crepe night of my own this year!
In other news–my mom also sent me a nice little red envelope with some cash in it. Never fails to brighten my Chinese New Year :)
Alex @ ifs ands & butts
February 12, 2013 at 18:30Ah what a special celebration it appears to be! I’d love to go someday. It’s always hard to miss those special holidays for sure!
Steph (@ 20 Years Hence)
February 13, 2013 at 04:15It may be trite but it is also true that sometimes you don’t know what you have until it’s gone! When Tony & I left on our trip, we were well and fed up with North America and couldn’t wait to see part of the world. We’re still excited to be traveling and generally loving every minute of it, but along the way, we have definitely had our eyes opened and are now much better able to appreciate things we left back home and took for granted. Things like clean drinking water straight from the tap, electricity 24/7, not walking down streets lined with trash… they are little things that are so much the fabric of our daily lives, we don’t realize how nice they are until they are gone!
And I do understand, at least a little bit, about how family traditions can mean more once they are withheld from you. I remember the first year Tony & I were married and I spent Christmas with his family instead of mine… it was the first time I had not been home for Christmas and it felt really weird. My family has never been one for making a fuss out of traditions, but Christmas has always felt like a time for family — as dysfunctional as they may sometimes be — and it was really hard to be away from them. But honestly, this is part of growing up and starting a family of your own: forging your own traditions and filling your new life with them. I am sure it was hard for your parents at first to not Chinese New Year in the way they normally would when they moved to the U.S., but I think time does heal all wounds, and I’m sure that by celebrating with you and your siblings, that ache lessened.
Peter Lee
February 13, 2013 at 12:32Yes, sometime family travel bounds you to do something that you love or you willing to do. I can understand that feeling. This new year snake is really beautiful and is enough to attract everyone. No one want to stop himself to get lost in these red lights.
Jemma@ Philippine Travel
February 13, 2013 at 14:33I also had the chance to celebrate the coming of the year of the snake. Unfortunately, I was in a bus on a night trip. By the way, I love the photo of the red snake in China town… :)
Susan
February 13, 2013 at 22:10I know what you mean. I found myself crying in Berlin this winter when I realized it would be the third year in a row that I’d missed the Christmas holidays with my family, and I don’t even really like Christmas.
I just like *our* Christmas. Our traditions aren’t very religious or very much in-tune with the usual suspects, so it makes it harder to enjoy them elsewhere. My parents’ house is probably the only one in the world serving Tex-Mexicandinavian cuisine…
Lauren @ roamingtheworld
February 17, 2013 at 23:31The beauty of being an expat is to have these moments of appreciation and realizations of what is really important to us, what family means, the significance of holidays to us., etc.
Appreciate your reflection and realizing what it must have been like and continues to be for your parents. Now in Spain, I often think fondly of my father of what it must have been like for him to turn his back on his country and start a new in California. I can’t fathom it!
Amanda @ Farsickness
February 21, 2013 at 03:32I liked this post a lot! I sometimes think about how different my life is as an expat as opposed to people who choose to build a life in another country, sometimes not by choice, and how it often means not being able to ever go back and experience these things and also to watch your children grow up in another culture.
I’m sorry you weren’t able to celebrate CNY with your family, but it looks like you had a good weekend to make up for it!
And bubble tea always makes everything a little bit better :)
travellingmo
February 21, 2013 at 09:14Happy New Year! Being in San Francisco this year, I am definitely enjoying my share of red, fireworks, delicacies, and merriment. But the decorations are not nearly as cute!
Kieu ~ GQ trippin
March 3, 2013 at 20:12I know exactly what you mean. I never did care for all the rituals my mom does each year but this year, she and my brother went back to Vietnam and met up with all her sibbling (it’s been 20 years since they’ve all been in the same room) and celebrated New Years with the entire family. I was here and miss it terribly. But I’m really glad you made your day special with good food, good beer and good friends. :)