On getting engaged in Paris, and what’s next

(Update: we called off the engagement and split up very amicably in the summer of 2013. I’m slightly embarrassed about this post in retrospect, but as it’s how I genuinely felt at the time, I’m leaving it up.)

It’s been two weeks since Mike and I got engaged, and the feelings of joy and ecstasy still haven’t subsided. Whenever we skype, we’re all smiles; saying the word fiancé still gives me butterflies. I can’t stop staring at the beautiful ring on my finger, and I cannot wait to marry my best friend.

However, it’s not all been a bed of roses (partly because I have the opposite of a green thumb. Mike gave me a plant for my birthday; it lasted a week. I’m still mourning the loss of Gia the Hydrangea).

Being over 6,000 miles away from my fiancé isn’t easy. It’s manageable; it’s always been manageable — but before, as two people dating, we were content to manage it.

With the engagement, I’ve felt an overwhelming sense of urgency to return to Singapore.

A fellow travel blogger who’s gone through the same thing (six years! of long distance), explained it this way: when you finally know with 100% certainty that you’ll be spending the rest of your life with a person, being apart from them just seems wrong.

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We’ve decided not to set a date until we’re in the same country again. At first, I didn’t care: this is obviously the logical decision to make. But with every passing day, the desire within to start planning our wedding grows stronger (like the Force, but with estrogen).

It’s not because I care about being a bride — I’ve never dreamt of the whole big poofy white dress and fancy cake and all that; and I don’t understand the appeal of spending a stupid amount of money on a lavish one-day affair. (Like, what’s the point of sending out save-the-dates and invitations? Aren’t they essentially the same thing?)

No, I’m not impatient because I want a wedding. I want a marriage.

Since Mike left, things haven’t been the same. Paris has lost its luster once more. My appetite’s on the fritz. I’ve hit a Hadrian-sized wall with my writing.

It’s not like last time, when I had a travel crash — at least then, I was still feeling something. Now, I’m just running on half-empty all the time; I’m this emoticon: (:|) come to life. If it weren’t for my wonderful circle of girlfriends, I’d probably never leave my flat.

It’s frustrating because I’ve never been one to let a guy change me, or my plans. In fact I can’t stand those kinds of girls, who alter their lives to fit into someone else’s. So even feeling this way makes me highly irritated at what a girl I’m being. It also means leaving Paris before my contract ends isn’t an option; I know I would regret it for the rest of my life.

But I can’t lie and say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind….

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So that’s where things stand. At any given moment I’m both incredibly happy and excited, yet dragged down by melancholy. I’ll catch the sun sparkling off my engagement ring and I’ll smile to myself on the street, only to have it replaced with a pout when I remember I can’t turn and see Mike next to me and share that smile with him.

Regular posts should resume tomorrow. It may take a little while for me to get back into the rhythm of things; but I have to admit, I do enjoy the writing and I’ve missed my posting schedule.

As for our engagement photos, we had them taken by Anastasia Nielsen for Pictours Paris. It was incredibly fun to do; I’d highly recommend Pictours and not just for couples: they’re great for friends, families, or even solo travelers. I’d actually booked them before Mike proposed, because I just wanted to have some nice photos of us for once (instead of our usual selfies where Mike’s outstretched arm takes up half the photo).

And some frequently asked questions:

Did he propose at the top of the Eiffel Tower?

Oh god no.

Did you cry?

Look, I cry at anthropomorphic fruit and Beatles songs. So for something as huge as this…yes.

Does this mean you’re moving back to Singapore?

Not right now. I’ll see out my contract in Paris, which means another seven months of long distance, at least.

Do you know where you’ll get married?

We have some ideas. But with our families spread out over the UK, US, and China — and our friends scattered even further — it’ll be hard to nail down a suitable location.

If anyone has any long-distance, wedding planning, or wedding location advice, I’d be glad to hear it!