There are two phrases I absolutely detest hearing when I meet new people:
“Where are you from? [America.] No…where are you really from?”
and
“Wow, your English is really good!”
I always respond the same way: “I’m from America. Really, America.” and, “Well it should be. I’m American.”
I was born in Ohio. I grew up in Pennsylvania. I smile that classic wide American smile, I say “awesome” way too much, I measure in feet; I consider myself 100% American — and in my head, that label doesn’t come with any associations of color.
Yet when I go abroad, hearing these two questions constantly reminds me that I’m different; and that all people can see is my Asian face. And it can be incredibly frustrating for the Asian-American traveler when people cannot separate ethnicity from nationality.
In the East
In China, I encounter a great deal of hostility because I don’t speak fluent Chinese. Cabbies or waitresses or shop owners will start a conversation, and I can see each step of their thought process as they realize something’s not right about me. Wait…you don’t speak Chinese? Wait…aren’t you Chinese? No, no, stop saying you’re American. You look Chinese, you are Chinese. So…why don’t you speak Chinese?
In comparison, any Caucasian who can muster out a ni hao or xie xie gets a big smile and an enthusiastic, “Wow, your Chinese is so good!”
The racism I encounter in China is a sort of self-racism. Chinese adore Western culture, and often think anything foreign is better. The market is flooded with skin-whitening products* and streets are filled with Audis and Mercs. Caucasians are constantly sought out for gigs where all they have to do is speak a few lines of English in a commercial, or just sit with a product for an afternoon and look white.
In short, Caucasians get preferential treatment in China.
I’m almost never on the receiving end of these perks, simply because I don’t look like a stereotypical American.
When I would sub in for classes at English schools, parents would look visibly concerned when they saw that someone who looked like them was teaching their children English; then they’d start looking around as if they thought I’d simply hidden the regular white teacher in a nearby closet.
I once had a voice-over job offer rescinded because when the director saw me in person, she suddenly claimed my speech had a Chinese accent — despite having heard my tape and claiming my American voice was exactly what she needed only a few minutes earlier.
My Caucasian friends in China constantly complain about being stared at, singled out, and overcharged; they wish they could blend in like I do. It’s a classic grass-is-greener argument. Maybe it’s just my ego speaking, but I’d prefer being put on a pedestal than being looked down upon.
Slightly unrelated, but you know what else? It’s heartbreaking to blend in. When I look in the mirror, I honestly do not see myself as Chinese (probably a psychological effect of growing up in a very Caucasian town and attending an even more Caucasian college). So to move to China and suddenly become invisible; to feel everyone’s eyes just go straight through you, because you look the same as 1.3 billion other people – it’s soul-crushing.
In the West
On my first trip to Ireland, and by association Europe, I was incredibly disappointed to find that locals were constantly complimenting me on my English and then pressuring me to reveal my “real” country of origin. I hoped things would be better in Paris, as it’s a much more diverse and cosmopolitan city. But things only got more insulting.
If in China I was treated unkindly for looking Asian when people wanted me to fulfill their white American stereotype, at least I would still gain a few points for having grown up in America and being fluent in English. In Paris, I’m assumed to be Asian — and looked down upon simply for that fact.
I’ve had a lady come up to me on the subway, mutter “Chinois” at me sharply like it was a dirty word, then walk away. Then there was the jerk who delighted in scaring the crap out of me during a Chinese New Year parade.
I’m constantly getting drive-by shoutings: “Ni hao! NI HAO!” When I inform the shouter that I’m American, I never get a response even close to resembling an admission of error. Instead, the other party will usually mock the way I’ve said “I’m American”, as if to say, “Of course you are. Hey everyone, look at this Asian — she thinks she’s American.” The ‘greetings’ always seem to have malicious intonations; it’s not like Asia where people will say Hello just to genuinely be nice and attempt to speak your language.
I’m getting the impression that Westerners have a superiority complex to Asians. I don’t know if it’s because of how Sino-European history has gone down in the last couple centuries, or if it’s because of the stereotypes of Asians being smaller and weaker. Or maybe it’s just a “we’re taller and we can process alcohol and cheese better than you” thing. It doesn’t help that millions of Chinese travel to Paris to do their luxury shopping; on the Champs Élysées you’ll see mobs of Chinese tour groups all carrying bags upon bags of Louis and Chanel and I’m sure the already tourist-weary Parisians haven’t taken to the crowds too kindly.
It’s not just Europe, either. In Australia, I had a drive-by shouting where a man on a bike started spouting off a rant in the middle of a crowded shopping area because he thought my (white) friend and I were a couple. He nastily spewed out insults like, “Oh so you can’t get an Aussie girl, mate?” and the always classic, “Go back to where you came from!” I was furious and shouted in front of all the families enjoying their Sunday brunches, “I’m AMERICAN!” — to which he simply sneered as he rode away, “Wasn’t talkin’ to you.” I don’t know if he even heard what I’d said.
And of course, no matter where we are, when Mike and I travel together we’re constantly being judged. People assume he’s the colonial overlord who’s gone and picked himself up a little Asian trophy and/or I’m a gold digger just trying to get a green card.
Trust me, we’re legit.
I’m tired of the judging, the assumptions, the condescension, the racism. Days like today, where three Belgian teenage girls wouldn’t stop yelling konnichiwa at me until I acknowledged them; after which they continued to mock me for saying I was American, make me want to quit Europe and go home.
It’s funny: I’ve spent these past few years traveling around the world, trying to stay away from America — yet it’s the only place where I feel truly accepted and like I belong.
Any other travelers (Asian or not) have similar stories, or am I being overly sensitive? I’d love to hear other perspectives.
———
For more on Asian-Asian racism, Korean traveler Runaway Juno wrote about her experiences in China here.
For more on Asian female/white male relationships, Shanghai Shiok wrote a series of intelligent and reflective posts that can be found here.
* To clarify, the desire for pale skin has been around for centuries and isn’t because it’s western; however, the fact that white girls are much paler doesn’t help but to increase the western adoration.
I'm an American writer in Paris and serial expat addicted to living abroad. I believe in traveling while you're young – and that it's possible to balance long-term travel, a career, and a relationship at the same time. I first moved abroad at 18 and have been permanently overseas since graduating in 2010. I've built a career in media and journalism through living in China, Singapore, and Paris, and covered sports events from London to Azerbaijan. I currently travel solo while engaged to someone 6,000 miles away. 
I’m sorry to say that your experiences aren’t ones that ever go away, because there will always be ignorant people who like to have stereotypes fulfilled and make fools of themselves trying to make it so. I know some people who have had similar experiences to yours within the U.S. as Asian Americans. You would think that by now people would accept the fact that anyone can be from anywhere no matter what they look like.
Personally, my mixed heritage (German-Panamanian) has people guessing I’m from all over the world. I’ve gotten: Italian, Turkish, Persian, Puerto Rican, and some others I can’t remember, but it’s never really bothered me.
The thing that did bother me about growing up in Germany (moved there from England when I was 12; I was born in the U.S. though) and going to a German school is that everyone always expected me to explain why Americans did the things they do, as if I could actually explain that. So if any politician did something particularly stupid, they’d ask me why and I always felt like saying: Well, I haven’t talked to them recently so I couldn’t really say.
That’s interesting; certainly not the first time I’ve heard that happening, especially in Europe. Unfortunately with those kinds of people, they’ve always got another way to try to bring you down. It’s like you can’t win, no matter where you’re from!
Pretty painful to read all that, Edna. Maybe there’s some consolation in knowing that once all those people’s actions are captured in words, they really do seem like giant idiots.
Thanks Frank. It does help a bit to write the incidents down; seeing just how ridiculous they sound helps me take it less to heart.
I’m so sorry to hear about your horrible experience abroad, Edna. I hate that people are being so rude to you. One would think Paris would be better as well, it’s quite multicultural compared to the rest of Europe. I’m glad to hear that America is a good place for you though. The U.S. has advantages that I didn’t really consider until I was an adult. I’m the stereotypical tall blond American, so once someone hears me talk it’s clear where I’m from.
When I was growing up in Illinois however, being tan was considered the most desirable and attractive. Everyone tanned, the girls with the darker skin were prettier. I’m fair with a lot of pink tones in my skin and that was considered unattractive. I was made fun of quite often. I’m still made fun of at work for how pink my face can be. I don’t understand why all looks are not appreciated. Tan is beautiful, fair is beautiful. Diversity is beautiful!
If you haven’t read The Road Forks, a travel narrative blog, you should. Akila wrote really well about her experiences in Asia as an American with parents from India.
It’s funny, I have tan skin naturally so at home girls compliment me on my ‘permanent tan’, while in China people ask me, “Why are you so DARK?” When it comes to beauty especially, you just can’t please everyone. Thanks for the recommendation — I read TRF occasionally but haven’t read about Akila’s experience yet, will look it up!
I’ve witnessed the “where are you really from” line of questioning directed at my white African friends a lot. It usually goes something like:
“You have a lovely accent. Where are you from?”
-Zimbabwe
Blank stare followed by, “but where are you really from?”
-I was born and raised in Zimbabwe
“But where are your parents from?”
-Zimbabwe
“But where is your family from?”
-Zimbabwe
Another time in Schopol airport once I was standing in line behind a Puerto Rican couple. The agent who was answering questions about connecting flights was practically screaming at them because they had American passports and couldn’t speak English.
Haha yep, I know that conversation all too well. I’ve met white Africans, but never thought about how Puerto Ricans having American passports might be confusing as well. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Edna,
Great post. Wrote a draft about this, but have not fully worked it out yet.
I hear you about feeling truly at home in America because even though I look Chinese, I feel more at home in NYC than anywhere else. Not that I do not get racist comments there, but over the years I have gotten immune to it.
It’s funny how in Hong Kong when I tell people that I am a housewife who does not work or have kids, they automatically assume my husband is Caucasian! Have not figured out if I should be offended yet. =P
In Mainland China Caucasians are treated better. In Hong Kong, I do not notice Caucasians getting better treatment over Asians. Rather those who look rich get better treatment thant those who look poor. This has caused me to make sure that I leave the house looking my best and carrying a luxury bag that is at least a Louis Vuitton or equivalent. But after nine months of living here, I am fed up with that and luxury bags in general. I will not buy anymore simply because they are expensive and too heavy for me to carry.
Regarding skin whitening treatment: Chinese people have prized pale skin ever since the beginning of time. That was the difference between the rich who do not have to work in the fields and the poor who do.
-Kelly
Thanks Kelly! I’d love to read your post and thoughts on it. I did like that in Hong Kong people didn’t seem as impressed by Caucasians, though the obsession with wealth is disappointing (as it’s still a judgment based on appearance).
I think this just broke my heart! I have an English friend here at home who’s ‘really Chinese’ like you are too and she has exactly the same problem! Great post though :) x
Thanks Louise. I’ve also seen it with Scottish-Chinese, Swedish-Chinese, and French-Japanese! Frustrating for Asians the world over.
Really powerful, and painful to read.
My friend M, who is Korean American and an expat here in Singapore has talked about a lot of the same thing. Because she looks like she “could” be from here (until she starts to talk) she feels like she gets a lot of pressure to be more Singaporean than I do because I’m white and she’s Asian. Even once people know she’s American, she gets a lot more pressure–to put her son in pre-school and activities the way locals do, and such that I don’t get (in part because E *is* in school–but I get complimented for putting E in a local school where M wouldn’t–so there’s still inequity)
Thanks Crystal. Regarding pressure, I kind of understood why locals did that to me as they were trying to get me ‘back to my roots’, but it must be even harder for her since as a Korean she’s not even of one of those ‘rooted’ nationalities of Singapore! Thanks for sharing.
the world is not global yet .. it will get there
One day…and people like you certainly are helping pave the way, Gregory!
Props to you for writing this post, Edna – I think a lot of travel bloggers tend to shy from writing about some of the biggest downsides of travel, particularly encountering racism or ignorance abroad!
When I was in Malaysia, a group of travellers and I somehow got on the topic of immigration with some of the local workers at our hotel. One of them asked me if we had immigrants in America. This was pretty funny at the time for me, seeing as America IS an immigrant country, but then I thought about the image that our pop-culture conveys – all the movies and TV-shows
we export featuring largely (if not exclusively) white casts, etc. We started talking about how you can meet Americans who look Asian, African, Middle-Eastern, even Malay. It was a really good discussion to have, I think.
That hollering that you’ve been getting in Europe and Australia is completely ridiculous. It’s not even just ignorance, it’s plain f-ing rude!! And the WORST is what you wrote about the assumptions of you & your boyfriend – that one of you is using the other for sex or a green-card. Over here in Korea, it’s not that extreme but still bad – my Korean friends have told me that if they see a local with a foreigner, some people usually assume that one is using the other for English practice. There have been occasions when I’ve been out with a Korean man and noticed the looks people give us – not exactly flattering.
However, there might be a silver lining to this – just the fact that you’re abroad, that you love to travel and live to be an expat, means that you have the opportunity to meet people that otherwise wouldn’t encounter an Asian-American. Hopefully that can broaden some horizons??
Thanks Naomi, appreciate it. I agree, there’s definitely a race dominance in Hollywood; but that’s so great that you could have that talk with them! That’s exactly what travel’s about isn’t it, broadening your own horizons and others’ as well? I can only hope I’m broadening some…and yes China was the same way; AF/WM couples were never taken seriously. The worst story I heard was when the mom took her kids out for a walk and was mistaken for the nanny!
I always feel for you guys (I’m a white guy in China). I can’t stand the cat calls and the condescending “Haaaalllllo”s that show I’m nothing but a talking monkey to many people, but at least I can console myself in the virtual lottery winnings I get for having a white face. You get the worst in both worlds. The best thing you can do is refuse to acknowledge those heckling jackasses. They’re just baiting you and anything you say is a victory for them. And for the conversations, I’d just say something like “I’m an international citizen” when they ask where you’re from. I’ve been trying that lately in China, and if they press the issue, I say “my country of birth isn’t important, but feel free to judge me on my character.” If they can’t accept that, it’s not worth continuing the conversation.
Thanks Eric, that’s a great way to look at it. The hardest thing for me to do is bite my tongue when I get heckled — I know I’m falling for the bait, but in my mind I’m making them think twice before heckling another Asian, because some of us aren’t too intimidated or scared to respond, and in perfect English at that.
I appreciate your posts because, well, with some people, they travel all over the world, but never leave their own head.Your observations are appreciated and enjoyed.
Take heart, it happens to us all. If you were in Northern Ireland, you would would see one side of the community could tell the other just by looking at them. Ladies lie on the beach (I have even seen sun cream with bronzer added) on the Costas to become as brown as possible, while ladies in Madrid do every thing they can to stay as white as possible.
We judge by first impressions. To be fair, we know this and use it to our advantage, sometimes without knowing it. Anyone with a misstep in their lives will face it commented on. An english accent in Ireland and vice versa, working on radio and always being told they sound taller, Moroccans in Spain. It is everywhere. It is not right, but is part of the universal human condition.
It is well that some people can overcome it and learn to see some truth in strangers, while others have to become friends to see through their own assumptions.
Thanks, I really appreciate that. And thanks for the other examples — you’re right that judging on first impressions is part of being human. But hopefully how people choose to act on those first impressions will change for the better.
Dude, I am so sorry that that is what you experience! I enjoy feeling invisible when I’m holiday, but as I’m white, this has really only happened in North America and London (where I lived for two years). This is mostly because well, I don’t dress to the nines and that singles me out more than anything else. I tend to get stopped and have people ask me for directions just about everywhere, so I figure I blend in well enough.
I hate the “where are you really from?” question. I’m white, and I’m Canadian. My family has been in Canada since before the first consensus… and we have no family members anywhere outside of Ontario. At university in Toronto I was consistently asked where my family was from, and no one seemed to just accept that my family only identifies as Canadian. I suppose I could go “Well we’re a mix of British, Irish, Scottish, and for all I know Welsh, but I don’t know how much of any of that, but I’m assuming that’s where we’re from.” But it’s not part of my identity (as much as I’d actually like it to be, I’d love to get an ancestry visa for the UK!) and it irritates me when people question for more.
That’s so interesting to see the opposite end of the spectrum! I guess in countries like Canada and the US, where almost everyone was an immigrant at one time or another, you expect people to have more identities and not “just” be Canadian or American. I’ve watched American friends get asked that too and they’re just as frustrated with the constant delving for more.
Great post – I’m sorry people are so unpleasant. But I can’t say I’m surprised. I’m white, and people in Spain are often rude to me for being obviously foreign based on appearance. I wonder how terribly they must treat people who really do look very different to them (as opposed to just having a different hair color).
At the same time, because I’m white they feel ‘safe’ to some pretty awful comments to me about people of other races. It’s astonishing how ignorant some people can be. I don’t think you’re being overly sensitive at all.
In the U.S. this definitely exists too, but it doesn’t seem as pronounced. People don’t see somebody non-white and automatically think “Oh, they must not be from here.” It’s much more diverse than other places.
I don’t think it really hit me how non-diverse Spain is until I worked at an English school. Almost all the adults were white. Out of 500 or so kids, there was one black kid, two or three Asian kids, and a handful of Latinos. Other than this, the only non-white people these kids see growing up are the poor street vendors from Africa and the Middle East, or the Asians who run convenience stores. These people are very recent immigrants, and they’re NOT integrated into the community at all. So the kids may never see somebody non-white as who has equal social status, much less consider them Spanish.
Then they assume ALL countries are like this. There was a teacher at the school who was English and racially Asian, which the kids found impossible to comprehend. They called her ‘la china’ if they forgot her name. I told them there were no Chinese teachers at the school. But they insisted, “Yes there are, the one with eyes like this” and stretched their eyes out sideways.
This is in Barcelona, which is probably the most diverse city in Spain. Paris sounds like it might have the same thing going on.
Like Naomi said above, maybe you are helping broaden horizons. But some days it really sucks to be forced into being the example. Again, great post (and sorry for the mini-essay!).
No thanks for the mini-essay, you brought up some great points! I didn’t realize Spain was like that as well, and I think you’re onto something with the recent immigrant status. I think in the US we’re more used to second, third, fourth-generation Asian-Americans (or any other non-Caucasian Americans), so we don’t question someone non-white and just assume they’re American and equal to us. But in France and other countries I think it’s a little less common to have such established immigrant families, so anyone of a minority background is assumed to be struggling/not well-to-do, and therefore not equal. And therefore, an easy target to pick on.
And good lord I don’t know that I would’ve been able to take it if I’d been your coworker. I’ve got pretty thin skin and dealing with that, especially from children, would’ve probably made me dead inside.
One of the more eye-opening experiences I’ve ever had was when you and I tried to sign up for Internet in Singapore. Do you remember this? I didn’t have my residency card yet, but you did, so we submitted you paperwork. It was your ID card, your name, your account — and yet the SingTel (or wherever we were; I forget) employee kept asking me questions and looking at me, as if it was my account. I think at one point she even as me a question about how long you had been in Singapore … with you standing right there.
I’m so grateful to you for being brave enough to correct ignorant assumptions about what Americans look like. You’re a perfect example of what an American looks like, and so am I, and so is our president, and I feel sorry for people who can’t understand that very simple fact.
Thanks Jill, I agree (go us, and Obama!). And I do remember that incident…it happens to me often, and I hate being mistaken for the translator or HR rep or what have you (especially when I’m with Mike)! It’s so frustrating.
People will always have biases based on how you look, how you dress, who you are with, etc. and etc.. That will never change. Anyway, did they assume you are good at math? Wait, only guys are supposed to be good at math. :D
True, biases will always exist. But it doesn’t excuse horrible behavior!
It seems you’ve had bad luck. Maybe it’s not only about race but about gender too. And you’re petite; all these very courageous people are more likely to act aggressively towards you than if you were, say, a big bald Asian man. I’m not too surprised about the Paris one (I’m French myself), especially the jerk, I can picture this kind of people very well, laughing at their own jokes, full of themselves, no regard for others whatsoever, cockroach larvae who see themselves as fierce lions.
But then again, spend enough time outside and you’re bound to run into the wrong kind of people, be it only by chance (and I’d say the odds are high in France; I have a number of personal anecdotes on the subject). The difference may be also that in the United States, at home, you know the locations well, you may choose, perhaps even by instinct, to hang out in certain places and avoid others because of the people who visit them. Abroad, you don’t have this perception at first, you haven’t built a mental safe map yet.
For the record, I live abroad too, in a cozy city, and even though I’m a reasonable white guy, I’ve had my share of unpleasant encounters. I’m not big and bald either, so that’s maybe where my problem comes from.
You’re right, gender probably does play into it; people think they can intimidate me more as a female. But I don’t think I have a ‘mental safe map’ of the US — it’s not just at home that I feel the most accepted, but everywhere in the US. No matter if it’s home or a new city, if I go to a restaurant or shop or mechanic, no one does a double-take when they hear me speak English or asks me where I’m from. I like that in the US, the general assumption is that you’re American unless proven otherwise; not the other way around.
Agh, Edna. You’re not alone in being treated in this way. As much as I love Spain, one of the main reasons I’ve considered leaving is due to the consistent racism I encounter. To make it worse, I sometimes do think (and am made to feel) that I am overly sensitive to the issue. But then I tell myself, well, who wouldn’t want to be treated decently as a human being? Who wouldn’t want to have a nice stroll without having the occasional racial slur thrown at them?
Anyway, in Spain they have a “superiority complex” over Latin Americans (because of the colonization era and whatnot). When I tell Spaniards that I’m American, they think I’m lying and insist on knowing where I’m “really” from. Students will consistently ask me if a phrase or word is “real” English or not. Sometimes it feels like it’s never ending, and I can’t help but sadly wonder if it’s just the price we pay for not being Caucasian and living abroad…
Oh I hate the double guessing from students! It’s like, I probably know more about grammar and vocab than the other teacher, but just because he’s white(/male) and I’m not, they assume he’s the source of all knowledge and I’m questionable.
I get that all the time too, people tell me I am too sensitive and I should brush it off. I will tell you what, NO ONE should tell someone else how sensitive he or she should be/feel. If you are hurt you are hurt. If you are offended you are offended. So many people try to justify out_right in your face racism into us being too sensitive, I find it ridicullous. The best is to be rude to them back and let them feel hurt themselves, and tell them not to be ‘too sensitive.’ ha!
P.S. On a brighter note, you will also occasionally meet some of the kindest people out there, and it helps a ton to have that nice bit to balance out the negative aspects. ; )
Very true. Like all things, expat life has its ups and downs; for example I’m pretty grateful that after a negative day I can write about it and get such great support from my readers and the expat/travel/blogging community!
I think you’d enjoy a comment I got this weekend while staying at a hostel in Nikko (Japan). Also keep in mind that I was brushing my teeth the whole time and my mouth is full of spit.
Japanese girl (in English with judgmental tone): Are you Chinese?
Me (in Japanese): I’m American
Japanese girl (in Japanese, obviously surprised): Oh you speak Japanese?
Me (in Japanese): Yes
Japanese girl (in Japanese): Well, well you look Japanese but your English is so good.
I shoot her a quizzical look
girl slinks away
oh! and don’t forget my favorite:
Do you prefer Japanese guys or American guys?
(my answer: I prefer people who don’t base their opinions on race)
I think all the questions bothered me more before than it does now. (Though being a victim of yellow fever, the urban dictionary definition, not the webster definition, is still one of my #1 fears.) And maybe it’s just my situation in Tokyo, but I feel like telling people my background widens their horizons as they see that you don’t have to “look” your nationality and I try to give them the benefit of the doubt before unleashing my wrath.
My personal protocol for these moments is usually as follows:
Politely correct people and then move on.
Smile and stare at them until they change the subject.
Ask the same questions back, until they realize how ridiculous their questions sound, or it changes the path of the conversation.
Yeah, guys with yellow fever are bad news. Been there. I agree — I think I always feel the need to correct people because at least I’m possibly widening their horizons, even though I know most of the time I’m just falling for the bait. Oh well, if we reach at least just one person, it’s worth it!
Thank you for this post. I totally feel you. I live in Shanghai and boy does this sort of thing get old when it happens. It happened a lot in the States to me as well though. It’s really frustrating, I’ve tried to explain to some of my white friends who just don’t get it and they shrug it off like I’m some crazed minority crying victim. I especially dislike when a friend introduces me to someone (this usually only happens in Shanghai) who on seeing me makes a thinly veiled racist comment or they say something snide like I’m not as good as them in the first sentence they say to me!
I hate that! I would get that in Shanghai as well; I think quite a few of the younger foreigners there have a superiority complex about ‘doing China’ so they’re condescending to anyone they think isn’t foreign and special like them. It made it just a little satisfying to watch their expressions change from smug to embarrassed when they realized I was American.
Edna, great and powerful post. Living abroad in Spain has made me realize how diverse parts (bigger cities) of the states really are- I appreciate this aspect and miss it living abroad in Spain. Where I live, it’s very clear who the immigrants are and I sense/assume they are treated differently by the Spanish.
Though I’ve been on the receiving end of being “white”, despite having a Chilean father, I became very annoyed while traveling in Africa where I was always asked “Where are you from?” They were curious (and often thought of me as a potential visa), but after months and days of the same ole question, sometimes I threw it back at them by saying, “I don’t know” or “I’m from the Earth,” or “Why does it matter?” responses to try to get them to Shut Up. Often, they’d be quiet or be frustrated with my answer. Truth is, Does it matter where we’re from? No. I know i’m a curious person but when curiosity is only to put someone down, it’s not acceptable. I don’t know if this a tactic that would help or at least, humor the situation.
My dad could pass for “white” except when he spoke. Often people would ask him “Where he was from?” and if he didn’t feel like answering (or on reflection tired of the damn question), he’d humor them and say, a place he clearly couldn’t be from, such as “Korea” or “Russia,” People would look at him confused, trying to figure it all out.
I know it’s definitely not easy- whether you “blend in” but can’t speak the language or always standing out but maybe trying to spin it a different way can help.
That’s a great idea! Adds a bit of humor as well to diffuse what can sometimes be a tense situation. Maybe I’ll start pretending I’m Estonian…
I’ve heard the horror stories from American Chinese and would never trade my experience for that–the creepiness of the stares wasn’t nearly as bad. I did hear a lot of ridiculous comments about being Jewish in China. Nothing really offensive though. Definitely encountered some crazy nationalists who hated all foreigners.
And I know I shouldn’t, but I laughed a little at the drive-by ni hao. My friends and I joked about it in China.
I can’t imagine having to deal with such ignorant people constantly when you travel. I know I complain about standing out in Europe mostly for the red hair and pale skin, I can see why you would rather have the stares than the way you are treated. Any assumptions about you based merely on how you appear are so hurtful, especially while traveling.
Sorry to hear about your experience. We’ve traveled the last 5 months around Central and South America, and we’ve felt that kind of ignorance from locals and fellow backpackers. We are Filipino Americans, and we’ve confused the hell out of everyone we run into. My wife has Chinese features, and with my bushy beard, people don’t know what to make of me. What we do is educate folks and make fun of folks who try to be stupid/ignorant. Then the “ugly American” comes out and we assert who we are. Life is too short too feel bad about the world’s ignorance and shortcomings :) We understand sistah!!!
Thanks guys! Of course I know I’m not the only one who encounters these things, but it helps to actually hear from others who do. We’ll just keep educating the world, one Asian-American at a time!
Hmm…my (Korean) bf came with me to the UK for one month in December/January and didn’t experience any racism whatsoever. However, I was a little surprised that nobody said “ni hao” to him – but maybe it’s because he was with me most of the time, so nobody dared say anything like that to him whilst he was with an obvious local.
However, Korean people often assume he’s Korean-American as he’s talking to a white person (me). They’ll talk to him about me, right in front of me, without acknowledging that I exist or that I’m even there. Being a white guy in Asia has advantages, but it isn’t all sunshine.
Either way, I’ve never experienced what I would call blatant racism to the extent that you describe in your post. As part of an inter-racial couple, people sometimes think the same thing about me and Gil Dong; that I couldn’t find a white bf in the UK, so I moved to Asia and that he’s obviously after a British passport, because we couldn’t possibly have lots in common and want to be together for legitimate reasons. Sigh.
Don’t let the haters get you down; for every one hater, you have ten people that love you, and another ten that don’t give a crap about your race or nationality – and I mean that in a good way.
That’s interesting about your bf in the UK — maybe it’s different with Asian guys because people find it easier to pick on the (perceived to be) ‘weaker’ females? And I think the comments about interracial relationships hurt the most — because then they’re not just attacking you as a person, but they’re making assumptions about a personal relationship between two people they know nothing about. Sigh. Thanks for the comment, Tom — can’t wait until everyone falls into the “don’t give a crap about race” category!
I would always say I was Chinese. American is a citizenship not a family tree and obviously, that IS what is being asked.
I don’t expect special gifts or treatment that Caucasian Americans receive in China because I understand that the Chinese need to make a connection to people who are different and I am not that – I’m someone who is in some ways more fortunate than they are – like having a lottery winner in the family. It probably hurts to look at me.
I do understand that point of view as well. I know I’m lucky my parents immigrated to the US and I could easily have been born with a Chinese passport. However I was raised in the American system, and grew up immersed in the American culture and way of life. So while it’s result of circumstance, I will always say I’m American. Looks shouldn’t factor into it — the same could be said of Irish-Americans, African-Americans, etc.
What a horrible experience! It’s so sad that this happens. Honestly, I’ve never thought about racism from your perspective – where people expect you to be something you aren’t.
Recently I tackled the issue of racism from a sports perspective. Probably no where else in the world are people more integrated and connected than in sports. Yet racism still exists there. I thought being a more globally connected culture would heal our differences and help us to look past them. Maybe it only makes the stereotypes we have come out a little more.
I guess that’s true even if you look Asian.
I’m glad I could enlighten — to be honest, I never realized this kind of racism would be new to so many people. It’s always been in my life so I thought everyone knew about it! I would love to hear more about your work on racism in sports — it’s the field I’m currently trying to break into, and I would have thought that people would become more connected, not divided, through sport?
I can definitely empathize. I don’t mind people being curious about my ancestry but it does get annoying when people say “but where are you REALLY from?” as if I have a dark secret.
A white South African girl once asked me. “If you are from New Zealand, why aren’t you white?”
To that I replied “If you are from South Africa, why aren’t you black?”
Hahahaa… best answer EVER!!! :D
Seriously, well-done!!
Yes, I hate that tone, the one that implies I’m a liar with a dark secret! And I agree with Zara, that is sharp. I can’t believe the girl actually asked that!
I’m so sorry the you have to deal with racism constantly. I can’t imagine that. :(
I lived for about 4 years in Dubai and although I knew the United Arab Emirates are a country full of racism (by locals and expats) it was when I started dating my boyfriend (who is Indian) that I started feeling how far things can really go. Arabs and rich expats tend to assume that Indians are “just” laborers and somehow that makes them have less rights than other expats. ‘Cause laborers are called “inmigrants” but white people are called “expats”. Distinction starts here itself…
The majority of the population in Dubai is made of Indians and Filipinos. Filipinos dominate the hospitality industry and suffer a great share of crap themselves, from rude people thinking that, just because they pay, they can be jerks and boss around waiters and staff. But that’s when things suffer a funny twist: because Asian workers get so much shit from the Arabs and Westerners, they “release” their frustrations on the Indians, treating them as inferior too. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve gone to restaurants with my boyfriend and other Indian friends and got the waiters pampering me (I am white, Portuguese) and COMPLETELY ignoring the rest of the people. Sometimes even only talking to me or telling me “come again” when it wasn’t even me paying the bill.
Check any job ads classifieds from Dubai and you will come across posts like “Indians abstain”, “Only Lebanese please”, “Western educated”, “Arabic only”, “Maid wanted, Filipino only”. This shit should be forbidden! It’s sickening…
Wow, thanks for sharing — I had no idea the situation was like that in Dubai. I’d seen some of it in Singapore, but nothing to that extent. You would think the Asians would be more sympathetic; it’s terrible that they’re only turning around and doing it to another minority group.
Edna, as an Asian American myself, Filipina to be more specific, it saddens and makes me sick to my stomach when I read your post. It’s so heartfelt, I seriously felt every emotion you were going through. I’ve never specifically encountered disgusting racism while traveling, partly because a lot of people think I’m South American, but growing up in the Bronx, people always just called me “Cheena”. When I’d correct them and tell them I’m from the Philippines, these ignorant little kids used to give me blank stares, while others would ask “Where’s that? In China?” It’s a sad reality that there will always be ignorant, racist bastards in this world. It’s going to hurt, but they’ll never change their views or their ways so it’s up to you to change how you react given said situation. You can let it get to you, or you can walk away and brush your shoulders off. You are more aware and you are way better than they will ever be.
Thank you for the comment, Antoinette. After 20 years I’m getting better at shaking it off, though it still is tough sometimes to just walk away when the urge is to correct them.
Funny sidenote, your story reminded me of the time my flatmate tried to tell her bank she had moved to Singapore — the BoA rep couldn’t figure out how to unblock the card, and finally asked, “Singapore — now what part of China is that again?”
glad to have stumbled upon this post. i’m outraged by the ignorant racism you experienced from people. at this day and age? really? people can be stupid at times. i’m a long-term traveler as well, born and raised in the Philippines. i recently wrote about traveling in Asia as an Asian. my experience was never negative in that i was never discriminated against. my being able to blend in never really caused me any real problems. like all other things, it has ups and downs. but never anything as serious as any of your experiences. though i’ve heard fellow filipinos applying for ESL jobs do not even get an interview. employer takes one look at them and turns them down immediately. those that do get hired get half the pay and twice the work. now that is infuriating.
I’m glad you haven’t experienced anything too negative in your travels. The job thing is quite infuriating — I’d like to possibly teach in Korea someday to save money, but from previous experience I think I’ll have a hard time convincing a Korean school to hire me.
Edna, is it ok if I share this with my students?? They’ve been hearing (far too often) that racism is an American thing. I have tried to explain that racism is a world issue but your blog and the wonderful responses do a much better job than I can alone. On the issue itself, it really sucks being a non-racist white person because nobody believes it. I must be racist, I’m white. My philosophy with racism is that it is a swinging pendulum that can only be stopped if it is stopped, not just swung the other direction. I really hope that one day we can all just see people, and not race.
Absolutely! I wrote this post to educate others, and I would love if that extends into the classroom. I had no idea there are people who think racism is just an American thing, either. I hope your students find this post and its responses enlightening.
It was fascinating to read your article and see all the responses (Normally, I hate to read the replies to online articles, but everyone was so thoughtful).
I’m African American, and I remember when several students asked me (I was working as an assistant English teacher in France at the time) what my ethnic background is. I wasn’t offended, and I answered my father is from Pennsylvania and my mother is from Panama. When another student repeated the same question, I provided the same answer. Then it dawned on me that they were stunned I didn’t exactly know what country my parents had “come from” A lot of the students in that class were black or of North African descent, and most of those students had an immigrant background. I felt a bit uncomfortable about the students being shocked that I didn’t know my exact ethnic background.
Thanks for taking the time to read the comments, Rashaad, and thanks for sharing your experience. Very interesting how different cultures view the importance or non-importance of knowing the details of your ethnic background.
Part of the reason why the French are so ignorent about racism is because immagraton or minorites, are all very new foreign concepts to them. Mist Sub saharian Africans in France just came her e to France, or maybe their parents just did; they have a family tree to trace back from. I think its so funny that they dont understand there have been black people in the United States for more than 400 years and the situation is totally different!
Oh the french….so ignorant…
Edna, This is by far the best blog post I’ve ever read. It’s the first one which has spearheaded an issue that is all-too-often overlooked. Thank you for sharing it, as it can’t have been easy. And thank you for inviting people to contribute, as many of your commenters (?) have been a pleasure to read as well.
I’m half Chinese, half American, but look completely white. Growing up – and now at nearly 40 – the person closest to me is my Shanghainese grandmother (now dead, still the closest person I have). Fluent in 5 dialects of Chinese, raised to speak English at school and with her parents (who were both educated in America despite being Chinks), she was nothing short of international. Before she died at 93 she (and we, as I took a month off of work to stay with her) was at hospital for 2 months and the racism I battled for her was nearly as heart-wrenching as watching her die. I’d have these horrid squabbles with these piss-ant doctors, nurses and hospital aids, and every time she was conscious of it she’d laugh at me and tell me I was stupid to care. That anyone who thought – let alone voiced – their racism was so below us that there was no need to respond. Let them think what they wanted, we knew what was right – it’s what’s inside not out, etcetcetc all the cliches.
Despite Didi being my shining light, I still don’t know whether I agree. And if we were in the same situation I’d probably respond to their venal racism. But I know down deep that her wisdom is solid. I have plenty of stories of racism against me (my last name is Chinese which has always confused hotel/ customs / airline people when I’ve been in China and SE Asia), but none of them were as poignant as the racism against a dying 70 pound woman, frequently unconscious to the horrid comments the aids made.
Anyway, thank you very much for sharing and getting this dialogue going.
C, thank you so much for sharing your story. I know we’ve spoken about our families before but I had absolutely no idea about your grandmother — that is so, so sad to hear. I can’t believe how terrible people can be, especially to an elderly dying woman — but at least she had the wisdom to ignore them and focus on enjoying time with her granddaughter. Would love to talk about this more next time we meet up.
And another thing, I find it interesting that you noted any Caucasian who can muster out a ni hao or xie xie gets a big smile and an enthusiastic, “Wow, your Chinese is so good!”
I’ve spent a decent amount of time in Japan and if I said something in Japanese grammatically correct, I would always hear, “日本語が上手です” (Your Japanese is very good).
Which got annoying after awhile because I’m – at best – a mediocre Japanese speaker.
Good for you for not letting it go to your head! What’s worst is when some foreigners actually take the compliments to heart and think they don’t need to study the language harder.
Raashad
They just trying to be nice you. The Japs have matured (like the Germans) and are bending over backwards to be unracist. They have arrived as human beings- only thing they are dwindling in population. So just be gracious, and in your mediocre Japanese say with a laugh and wave that you are mediocre.
On the other hand, in a comparative sort of way, they might be saying for a foreigner your Japowapo is pretty good.
Either way they seem to be nice people.
Oh I remember about 4 years ago, when my ex and I was walking on a street, a Chinese guy on his bike, shouted out that I’m a prostitute.
Sorry to hear about that Jessie. Besides, I know your ex — he doesn’t look like the type who can afford a pro ;)
The most comments I ever got while traveling abroad was in Amsterdam. I was there for all of three days and got “konnichiwa” hollered at me on the street a couple times, a guy come up to me at a club and compliment my “Oriental” features and someone even called me a “peanut.” Apparently “peanut” is their term for Indonesians (and therefore Asians in general).
The funniest thing was that my blonde friend was actually getting jealous of all the attention, like it was a GOOD thing to be singled out because of your race and be called various epithets all day.
Okay, that was the second funniest thing. The funniest thing was her friend, who was genuinely surprised that Chinese people eat bread.
The U.K. has been a lot better about being like “Oh, but what’s your ethnicity” rather than “where are you from, REALLY?” but I think they’ve had a lot more experience trying to do the whole melting pot thing. Lots of Pakistani and Indians already speak with thick Leeds accents, Also, it helps that the BNP is pretty weak. France has got frickin’ Marine Le Pen and all her party’s uber-racism. Those jerks.
Holy crap Elaine, you eat bread?!
Yeah, don’t even get me started on the Brits and the BNP. The things I’ve heard come out of some people’s mouths…
Interesting to read about your experiences around the world – There are so many different issues raised in your post. I don’t think many people have the opportunity to travel and compare cultures enough to get the East/West perspective that you have, so thanks very much for sharing! Keep standing up for yourself when people have ignorant attitudes!
Thanks for the comment — believe me, I will!
Another Chinese lady with white boyfriend. becoming a cliche
You Chinese people are a really funny people. You say you are a great race and then in almost the same breath look down on yourself.
Chinese women queue up for plastic surgery and head for that white guy.
Chinese men left on the shelf and are angry all the time.
And oh yes there are condo’s in China which only house Whites. Even Foreign Chinese cant get in.
White people ( even the scruffiest) are Gods of course.
A conflicted and angst ridden people. And oh yes you guys a lot of the
times Chinese ( and East Asians generally) look down on people just to feel good about themselves. (Racial Snobbery).
Chinese would rather serve a white man than their own kind.
And now you complain when in all probability, you would hve exhibited the sme kind of behviour you complain about.
nothe
Thanks for proving my point. Did you even read the post? If so, you would have seen that I identify as American, not Chinese. Race has absolutely NEVER been a factor in who I choose to date. I could be purple and my fiancé could be green and it still wouldn’t matter. There are so many reasons I love him and that we’re together, that the color of his skin (or mine) comes nowhere near close to even mattering.
Thank you for taking the time to voice your opinion, I hope you learn that in this increasingly multi-cultural world, more and more interracial couples are going to get together — and for no reason other than love.
But doesnt your title belie your mindset? “Sometimes I wish I was white”
How often is sometimes?
haha
No, because 1. It is just a title. I will openly admit it is meant to provoke a bit.
2. If I ever wished I was white, it would just be to avoid the “drive-by shoutings” and rude treatments I get in public. I hate being the victim of these small hate crimes just because of the color of my skin. Me saying I’d like to be white is just so I can blend in in these unnecessarily racist situations (because I already see myself as white, again if you’d actually read the post you’d know that), not, I repeat NOT because I want to be more Western (because I already am incredibly Western — born and raised in the USA!) or am victim to some “white is better” Asian mindset. It has NOTHING to do with dating, or wanting to be more pale, or Western. In fact, I’m actually quite proud of how I look — a year-round tan and genetics that’ll make me look 30 when I’m 50? No complaints here.
When by myself, I’ve never really been on the business end of racist asshattery from passersby, though introducing myself to Chinese people who hear me speak very American English is almost always the same experience:
- I introduce myself to them in Chinese, and they hear me speak English either before or after this.
- “Where’s your laojia?”
- “[a city name]”
- “Wow, your English is REALLY good! Where’d you learn it?”
- “I grew up in the US. I’ve lived there since I was 2.”
- “Ohhh… Your Mandarin is REALLY good!”
It’s amusing to see them navigate multiple innocuous stereotypes in real time.
In my experience, it’s true that Americans (or perhaps only coastal Americans) are generally much less aggressively stereotyping in their first impressions than, say, western Europeans. When I answer the “where are you from?” question with “New York,” I only get the “but where are you from, originally?” followup about 20% of the time in the US, and never when I’m out with my Caucasian girlfriend. In contrast, every Londoner I’ve met who gets to the “where are you from?” stage invariably follows up with an “originally” modifier, which is more amusing than awkward since I was actually born in China. I lucked out on avoiding that sort of frustration.
That said, when I’m with my family in the US, and speaking only Mandarin, there’ve been a few times when passersby have made racist comments, thinking that we couldn’t understand them. Retorting casually in English usually shocks them into silence. I’ve generally found that throwing people’s racism back at them (e.g. “How ya doin’?” in response to mocking “Ni hao! Ni hao!” shouts) is more effective than explaining the error of their ways, though I admit that I keep my mouth shut when the occasional airport customs agent does this.
As for blending in among the 1.3-billion-strong masses, I’ve never found invisibility in China, though I suppose a bit of that is a subconscious projection of my own feeling of foreignness. Everything from my very American big smile to the way my gait apparently exudes American confidence singles me out as a foreigner, even before I can be called out on my mildly foreign-accented Chinese.
Haha I’ve gotten the stereotyping runarounds too. “Oh your English — your Mandarin — arghhhhh!” I’m not looking forward to going to London — at least with the French I can pretend I don’t understand the question. I love what you do in response, I think I might start throwing back a “G’day mate” or “What’s the craic?” to really throw them for a loop.
Hey Edna!
Thanks for the amazing blog. I have been living in the South of France and I encounter racial attack/slurs/assults averaging about twice a week. I am also an asian, female, born and raised in the United States. I dont really care about telling people I am an American or justifying where I am from, for me I would just really appreciate being treated ‘normally’ like how everybody else should be/ is treated. Your experience in Australia was jaw dropping. I feel really bad for you and situations like the ones we encounter but at the same time I really dont know how to deal with them either.
I get a lot of ‘Ching Chang Chong’s and the slanty eyes gesture in France, it is a bit too frequent for me to take and I have been thinking about moving back to the Us and just quitting my job here.
I do have to clarify that I have traveled a lot and pretty much all over Europe and I have never experienced the racism and the extent of racism I encounter in France. I have traveled to Belgium and Australia too in the past and nothing abnormal happened. I was lucky I guess. I have been stoned in France in the past and had people telling me to ‘go back to China’ in English with an imitated Chinese accent (I actually have no Chinese in me at all.) and that sure felt very unpleasent.
What I hate about France is how racism only applies to Africans/Blacks. They would do horrible things to Asians and Arabs and not consider it racist while they wont dare to do that to an African. I found this principle of racism ridiculous. Ironically enough I get my fair share of racial treatment in France from all types of people here; let them be Europeans, Arabs, or sub Saharan Africans. I also get it from both male and female, and from all age groups.
I think brushing it off or keeping yourself silent are the worst ways to go. True, the first few times I was shocked with no words to say but after a while I alm kinda mentally prepared for racism going out every day.So I usually snap back(in English) and let them have a little taste of their own medicine. The only way to deal with this is NOT to brush it off or cry to others (they would just tell you there is racism everywhere and you are too ‘sensitive.’—while they actually dont experience any of thiese BS!)
It happened again today, just this afternoon and I have beenv ery unhappy about it. I am ready to punch someone next time if it happens again!
Thanks for sharing your experiences. What you’ve encountered in France is terrible and unbelievable, especially since it’s so frequent and gotten to the point where you’re thinking of quitting your job and leaving. I agree that there does seem to be a double or unequal standard, though I’ve noticed the same in the US — people make an effort to be PC around Africans/Blacks, but when it’s an Asian they feel free to be as inappropriate and openly racist as they like, instead of just treating everyone as equals and with respect. I wonder if that’s because they assume most Asians don’t speak English and wouldn’t be able to understand their insults?
I hope the rest of your time in France goes more smoothly and you enjoy as much of it as you can!
I have dated both white (American) and european males in the past and no one has ever looked at me weird or judged us.Except for when I was with this one guy, people kept looking at us! But I thought people were more looking at us because we were both very good looking? They didnt seem unfriendly they were just curious to see a hot couple like us I guess.But yeah no one gives a shit in both the western part of United States and northern France.
On the other hand I have also dated a Black American and people actually look at us more when I was with him. But I wasnt sure it was because he was 6’6 and I was 5’3 or it was just a rare mix? Not sure.
Just my two cents!
Perhaps it’s more frequent in Asia then, because there are women who date white guys solely for status and money — and it’s more obvious there than it is in Europe or America. So people are exposed to that image much more frequently and assume every Asian female/non-Asian male pairing has to be that way.
This post really resonated with me. I’m so glad that you wrote it and put this out there because I really think that not enough people are sensitive to this. I can’t tell you how many times I have people ask me what I am. I have answered human, American, and New Yorker, but none of these satisfy because they are looking for my ethnic identity, which is kind of on the bottom of the list of things I think about when I think about who I am.
Now, I just answer, “Why does it matter what I am? Does it really matter that much to you?!” That usually shuts them up.
Or once I told someone I was a foundling and I didn’t know because I was adopted by the people who found me. That was pretty hilarious.
Speaking of yellow fever, when I first started my blog, I got all these creepy white male weirdos following my blog! When I checked theirs out, they all had one or more of the following: an Asian gf/wife, an ex-Asian gf or wife, an interest in martial arts, and they were all studying Chinese. Creepy!!!!
And once they figured out I never blogged about anything Asian, they unsubscribed. Good riddance!
Sometimes I think it was easier to identify them in the early nineties when all those guys looked like Steven Segal or Jean-Claude Van Damme :-/
Anyway, great post.
A foundling! I love that. Going to add that to my list of nonsensical retorts to throw people off. I’m glad you enjoyed the post, and thanks for chiming in and sharing your experience. I totally know what you mean about the guys who only follow because I’m Asian, too — haven’t had any of it with this blog, but back in the days of myspace (oh creepy myspace) the same would happen to me. And I was like, 17. Eesh.
I’m so tired of the inevitable follow-up question that I always get over here when I say that I’m Canadian: “Mais de quelle origine ?” I’ve come to expect it and I know it’s meant out of curiosity and not malicious, but sometimes I feel like pointing out that my Irish Canadian friends, for example, who also had parents that immigrated to Toronto but grew up in Canada–just like I did–never get asked about *their* origins.
The worst though was when I visited Morocco with my sister. We couldn’t walk two feet without having “Ni hao!” or “Konichiwa!” hollered at us in the street. And we’re neither Chinese nor Japanese.
As for travelling in Asia, well, an Asian friend of mine once pointed out that nobody is more racist against Asians than… other Asians! Since Filipinos are considered the “lowest” on the scale of Asians (in Hong Kong, a large portion of the maid/bargirl/nanny population is Filipina), when I travel in Asia, it’s not just a matter of not being put on a pedestal, I’m actually looked down upon!
“My Irish Canadian friends never get asked about their origins” — I agree. I don’t mind getting asked if you’re asking everyone around you, but don’t single ME out just because I don’t have blonde hair and blue eyes.
That’s the second time this week I haven’t heard great things about Morocco — apparently it’s not great for Asians OR solo female travelers. So that’s probably out of my travel plans for a while.
I’ve heard about the Asian hierarchy as well, and saw a bit of it in Hong Kong and when I lived in Singapore (in the latter it’s the Indonesians) — it’s frustrating to me that humans feel this need to always have someone below them to look down upon.
“… an Asian friend of mine once pointed out that nobody is more racist against Asians than… other Asians! ”
I couldn’t agree more to this statement, especially for me being Indonesian, which probably is one of the the biggest country on earth that nobody ever heard of.
When I was traveling solo in Barcelona, I stayed in a 6-bedded dorm room. And it turned out the other 5 of my roommates were kiwis (which were “really” Korean) When we met for the first time and doing some standard hostel conversation, upon knowing that I’m Indonesian, one of them said to me, “Wow, but your English is really good!” with the “you’re-Asian-so-you-shouldn’t-be-able-to-even-speak-a-word-in-English” tone.
Can you explain what you mean when you say you already consider yourself to be white?
I FEEL YOU! Happens to me ALL the TIME!
Hi Edna, I enjoyed your post…thanks for being so open and honest.
I was born in Jamaica West Indies (Caribbean), people always assume it is Jamaica Queens NY so I have to either spell it out or give a long comment :).
Well my experiences are similar it goes likes this. I open my mouth an a accent comes out:
Oh wow your accent is so pretty? You are not from here (USA) are you?
Where are you from? Jamaica West Indies
Oh I thought you were from the south since most ” Americans have so many accents”
I didn’t know about this…oh yeah they speak so much different from you,,,your speaking English
Your English is great well yes that is the language of Jamaica
Why did you come here, Jamaica is so beautiful.
And the questions goes on and on and the famous “go back where you came from is often heard. I swear most of my friends are only friends with me because of my profession. It is so sad that in the 21st century people are still behaving this way.
I know EXACTLY how you feel, Edna. I never experienced it more than than I have recently during out 6 months in Asia. The whole, “Really?! But you don’t look American” bit got under my skin. But rather than wanting to say, what do American’s look like to you, we just say, “well, our parents are from Vietnam.” (shrug) Simply to dodge more stupid questions. I got cho American back girl. :)
Oh yeah. You know as an Asian-American I totally feel ya. In Ibiza last year, there were Euro guys who would keep on coming up to me asking if I was Bruce Lee. I would of course say no. Then they would say, “No? Hmm… Jackie Chan???” Pretty hilarious. But it did get annoying after awhile especially after they do the chinky eye thing. Blah. Luckily in Vietnam they don’t look down on me if I can’t speak the native language fluently.
Damn, it’s hard out there for a Chinese American. I kinda know how you feel when I’m in africa but there I do get perks. My family is japanese american, so I kind of know what they go through as well. It’s pretty crappy how judgmental/racist we americans and just about everyone actually is. We like to pretend we’re not but we too often pass judgment on looks alone at first. Really eye opening article. Thanks for sharing it with me.
Oh wow, reading this is mindblowing, so sorry you had to experience all that.
I do think that it’s not only in China where you mentioned in your article about adoring the Western culture, in Indonesia where I’m from it’s the same.
It’s funny how people generalize all Asians, I’ve travelled in Europe and had people shouting “ni hao ni hao” all the time just because I look Asian and it’s kinda annoying.
I hope somehow these kind of situations will get better, so thank you for posting this :)
Hi, I have just found your blog today and love it!
Ihad a Thai boyfriend (I am caucasian) for seven years, and we met while we were both living in Vietnam. We travelled around Asia a fair bit, and we used to get some strange looks occasionally as it used to be rare to see a caucasian female/asian male combo, but generally we didn’t experience any kind of racism. That was until we went to Thailand and were down south in an area less frequented by tourists and a Thai man started yelling at my boyfriend…my Thai is fairly basic and my boyfriend was hesitant to translate but basically he was on about me as a prostitute and wasn’t he good enough to get a Thai girl etc. Thankfully most of it was lost on me but it did upset my boyfriend. Thankfully it was the only time we’d experienced that overt display of racism (other than me being charged foreigner prices in the markets, but i expect that).
Sometimes I have photos of my nieces and nephews as wallpaper on my work PC. There have been some interesting questions, like “Do you know these people?” (well, why would I have them on my PC?), and “Are you sponsoring this family?”. The reason is that I am white, and the children are mixed Asian/white, but people only see the brown skin, not the family resemblance.
I feel your pain…really I do. I am a black American (6th generation) who moved to New Zealand a few years ago and am constantly questioned about where I am from. Many times people say ” Where in Africa are you from?”
They do not believe me when I tell them I am from California. They say ‘Oh, so where are you ORIGINALLY from? When did you move there? Where in Africa are your parents from?’ They keep hammering me for the answer they want to hear. When I tell them, ” I was born there, my parents are from New Jersey, and I am the sixth generation”, they pause and continue to talk about Africa. Then they say that I must admire American culture and that my accent does not sound, (take your pick) New York, Southern, Twangy, or some stereotypical “hood speak”. I sigh, and let them know that AGAIN that I’m from California. These are not just New Zealanders, they are from people who have moved from all over the world. They see us on TV, in Films, in the news, in magazines…but we (Black Americans) are not real to them. It’s so frustrating that I sometimes go to the American Consulate just to feel AT HOME and UNDERSTOOD. Oh, and when I meet Africans here they are upset that I do not follow their culture/s. A lost soul. They totally dismiss that I have my own culture and it is relavant and worthy of respect as much as their own.
Yeah. I love it when I’m introduced to random Africans (that Spanish people know but I don’t) and am asked if I know them. Why no I don’t and why would I? I’d been there for scarcely two weeks. Plus they speak French and I hardly spoke Spanish. Its been a little while since my family has seen Africa. Or being introduced to random Africans and them saying at least you’re the same color (thus you should be friends etc). But confuse a Basque and Madrileno or an Andalucia and Catalan and you’ll start a civil war.
My experience in China is that they usually follow an Indian-Chinese couple shouting Sinchaporen or Singaporean. Some even call you Malaysian. As far as the where are you really from question it happens even here in America, where white people are generally unhappy if you just tell them America. Twenty years ago, you had to give them your ethnicity. These days a simple Honolulu, Hawaii or California will do. However, if you say Nevada or any other state or town in the US, they wont give up.
“No…where are you really from?”
This has to be the most irritating line I encounter on my travels/expat sojourns and what is most frustrating is when the person asking the question gets all riled up when I respond with “No, really: CANADA” and they roll their eyes and sigh deeply and shoot me a look of contempt that – if it could speak – would say something along the lines of “why are you being so difficult? I need to be able to put you in a box, so just help me out here will you and tell me where you’re really from, because you clearly can not be Canadian.”
It’s frustrating not necessarily because of the question, but the intention behind it. I wish people would understand that there’s a distinction between “where are you from?” and “WHAT ARE YOUR ROOTS?” If people asked me the latter more often, I would get far less pissy about the whole thing.
These types of situations – as in your case – are often intensified when I rock up to meet my partner (as white as the day is long) somewhere and get introduced to people who allow their confusion and shock to register clearly on their face. Within the first few minutes we enter into the whole “where are you REALLY from” fiasco,which to me says: we didn’t expect someone like him to go slumming/refugee hunting/set up shop on the other side of the tracks/insert other derogatory thought or comment in here. This, of course, doesn’t take into account the fully discriminatory and (sometimes) hate-filled verbiage I’ve heard from complete strangers.
The thing is, it’s no better on the other end of the spectrum. If I find myself in a country or amongst an urban subset where there are plenty of people who look like me there’s bound to be someone who insists on claiming me as “one of their own” and someone else who proclaims I’m not “authentic” enough for them. I’m too Western or whitewashed or watered down or whatever.
The rub? There’s far more people out there like this than the average person would like to admit. To stay sane I roll my eyes on the inside, remind myself that it boils down to a lack of education or mis-education or ignorance and continue to reply through my wonderfully perfected for-the-ignorants smile: “No, really. CANADA.”
Wow. I know other Asian Americans living in China but I had no idea life was like this for them around the world. Where do people yell ‘nihao’ at you?? That’s just like how people say ‘helllooo’ when they see me in China but that shouldn’t annoy me nearly as much as it does after reading this. You’re not being oversensitive but I suppose it is something you need to accept. I’ve sure even if you could change the way you look you wouldn’t. So, accepting what is and letting the ignorant comments go right through you is the most important skill you can develop. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Well I’m a white girl living in Asia and I certainly don’t feel like we’re put on a pedestal. Quite the opposite. The staring is atrocious, the constant shouting of waiguoren is infuriating. And when I do speak Chinese most times I will get ‘ting bu dong’ in reply as they turn to my Taiwanese friends to translate for them. They’ll say exactly what I have said and chat away. It makes daily life really difficult. Also in Western cultures, everyone is entitled to have their own opinion. We don’t all agree but we have a right to mould our minds how we wish. Not here. Everyone should think the same and never question why things are done the way they are. (It causes huge arguments…learnt that the hard way). But at the end of the day, I chose to came here. Each country will have it’s pros and cons. Unfortunately I can’t pick and choose the best bits of cultures to make a new super culture. If we could we would have done it already! But along with all the rubbish days are fun days, that make these experiences worthwhile and bearable.
Paris or New Zealand are next place on my list to go and live I think!
Wow. I’m an african-american living in Spain and I had no idea that so many people have had so many similar experiences. I feel like I love Spain the country and its beauty and the hospitality of its people but I could never live here forever just because I feel like I never belong. From the constant staring to the lack of PC. I agree with the former comments; I have heard and seen many outwardly racist assertions while being here especially towards Asians. I have been extremely surprised as some of these statements have been by really intelligent people. I tie it to the recent development of immigration; they haven’t had a chance to associate with diversity thus they have never had the opportunity to see the effect their words have on people. For example when a teacher described a korean person to students by pulling back her eyes and when the student said like a un chino, she replied yeah same thing. I was extremely upset as I couldnt help but think of all of my friends who are Korean and what a distinct culture they have. And how hurt my friends would be. As far as racism in Spain towards blacks, the issue is very complex. I being an african-american woman am treated completely different then african men who come to work. My Americanness has NEVER been questioned surprisingly. People will ask me where I’m from, but they never seem even the slightest bit surprised when I say American (this is def due to Obama as many even comment that I look like Michelle Obama. I don’t). I even was asked once if I could tone down my American accent for English classes. I feel like racism is Spain is steeped in class. People assume I’m rich because I’m American. Even when I try to explain it they are unwilling to hear me out and sometimes I’ve been treated badly for that reason as if I’m privileged. Yes I went to a great university blah blah, but hey my great great grandfather was a slave (literally); I wasnt exactly born into privilege. Even in what they call me I’ve noticed a difference. The Africans selling on the street are called negritos; openly in front of me while I’m addressed as morena. Im used to Latin American countries and being called negra so I was very confused being called morena (also used to address tan or simply dark-haired people). Even in stores people have tried to charge me more. But then Ive also had the time when an old lady sneered negra at me or when my friends came to visit a man started shouting a bob marley song at us from across the street (wha?) Ive also found it strange Spains preoccupation with how we as Americans view them as Spaniards and if we associate them with Latin America. I obviously have noticed they are on two separate continents but I hate to tell’em if I had found a job in ANY part of L. Amer. first I so would have been there first choice.
Anyway. Im glad you were brave enough to post this. I feel like my I’m not so alone now in how I feel. BTW Ive always like being different so I try to find solace in this and be excited that Im completely different speak a different language, have an (subtle) accent when I speak Spanish and am from a different continent. Its interesting at least!
I am an Indian immigrant living in the UK for 10 years. Although in the UK there is some amount of racism fortunately for me its an occasional occurrence. But I am looked as an Asian and probably most second generation asians are considered British asians too, despite being born here and speak more like the local white population. When I was flying to India I had a stop over in Ceylon. One of the guys who is British white who was working in the same Hospital and I knew earlier happened to be on the flight and we got taking to kill the time. When we landed in Srilanka and went to the airport resturant or spoke to the airport staff it was quite revealing how much different they would treat a white guy (with respect and admiration) versus an Indian man (with contempt). Even my friend was surprised and a bit embrassed esp as in the UK it so happens that he does shall we say a unskilled job and I do a senior more responsible job. I do realise that there are a few nutters in the UK who are racist but most of them are fine.
Unfortunately JoAnna’s experience is all too familiar. It is always the white person who is rich. A white guy married to the daughter of a Hong Kong billionaire who has contributed to various universities in the US was asked whether his wife is a mail order bride and whether he rescued her from poverty. They even tried to be patronizing to her explaining to her the modern comforts of American life. Then there was a Japanese auto executive who was dating a volleyball coach down south. Many asked the Volleyball coach whether he is trying to get a green card. They did not approve of him dating a white woman and some people managed to get in touch with Honda to transfer him back to Japan, thus breaking up the relationship. A dark-skinned South Indian woman is frequently mistaken for African American and frequently asked why she dates Indian men instead of black men…and the list goes on.
I am an Indian, male mid 30s…I am quite surprised by your article. I have lived in New York for more than 10 years, London for 4 years and Paris since the past 2 years. Me experience has been somewhat different than yours. I faced the most racism in New York and in London however there was a difference. UK is a dangerously racist country and there are high levels of institutional racism, i was questioned by police and immigration in UK very badly on more than ten occasions and even badly abused by a British person several times….in fact one of them sent me a very racist email and I had him arrested over it. In my opinion British are the most hateful dirty people in the world and this is the only reason I quit Uk to move to France. As for the US …they were not so institutionally racist but socially in white american society there is no acceptance for non white foreigners….americans are also obsessed with background….its funny though because I look very non indian and more mediterranean having blue eyes and light skin…americans were often confused about my ethnicity and friendly towards me until they found out i was Indian.
Ive travelled extensively in western and eastern europe and perhaps because of my looks I am more accepted in these countries…I am very well dressed and know how to carry myself…and for this I get a lot of respect in france as well as rest of continental europe…I think the reason u faced racism in continental europe is not because u are asian but perhaps because u dress in and american way as an asian. Europeans like smart well dressed people…and when u look like that they all admire u….they hate casually dressed people especially Americans who walk around in sneakers and shorts ….or loose baggy clothing. France in my opinion is way more tolerant and accepting of foreigners….its hard to get jobs in france as a foreigner but socially they are very accepting people. I never faced even one single bad racist incident in france…again as i said it may be because i carry myself in a certain way…..try it sometime….dress up like a million bucks and go out in Paris and u will be surprised at how man frenchmen hit up on u!!!
Hi Edna,
As a fellow Asian American traveler, I feel your pain. I get tired of people asking me where I’m from and mocking my accent. I left America to teach English in Malaysia for a year and I get the same treatment from my own kind because the way I look didn’t go with the way I act. Sometimes I wish I was Asian-Asian so I didn’t have to put up with idiots (home and abroad). I also blamed my parents for having me being born and raised in a Western society where they lack respect for Asian males. I tell people I’m American and they just look at me funny. It drove me crazy to the point that I developed social anxiety disorder and I lost all my confidence in my identity. I left my job immediately and came back home to Los Angeles and I have never been the same since my time abroad. Whenever I meet an asian straight out of Asia I just wanna start something hostile. It ruined me as a person and created bitterness and resentment towards people of all races, especially my own. I can handle racism from non asians, but when I hear it from my own, it really bruised my sense of self worth. It’s hard enough that I’m also a muslim in America. I didn’t want to take crap from my own kind. How do you stay positive in a world full of ignorance?
“UK is a dangerously racist country and there are high levels of institutional racism, i was questioned by police and immigration in UK very badly on more than ten occasions and even badly abused by a British person several times….in fact one of them sent me a very racist email and I had him arrested over it. In my opinion British are the most hateful dirty people in the world and this is the only reason I quit Uk to move to France. ”
White Brits (English) have one standard for themselves and another standard for others. They want the right to live and work in countries such as Singapore, but dont like the idea of Singaporeans working in their country…even the ones who work in Singapore.
“in white american society there is no acceptance for non white foreigners….americans are also obsessed with background….its funny though because I look very non indian and more mediterranean having blue eyes and light skin…americans were often confused about my ethnicity and friendly towards me until they found out i was Indian. ”
Yep. You cannot be light skinned and Indian. You cannot look East Asian and be Indian as well. One of the bosses in my organization was sent to training after he basically accused a young lady from Nagaland who was interviewing for a job of lying when she said that her nationality is Indian. Also try walking with a very dark skinned Tamil or Kerala woman down the street of Atlanta, Dallas or Miami, you will face a lot of hostility and outright hate at least until they find out that both of you are Indian.
“I left America to teach English in Malaysia for a year and I get the same treatment from my own kind because the way I look didn’t go with the way I act.”
They are looking for white people to teach English. Any white person will do…even a Russian.
First off, you are not oversensitive. I’ve experienced what you did in my travels and definitely can validate what you are saying. The truth of the matter is that the world is still very much a racist place. I’m sorry but that is just the truth. There is simply no way to go from 500 years of global white colonialism to color blind egalitarian utopia in the span of only 50 years.
let me repeat. the world is a racist place.
how you experience it will be shaped by the color of your skin. Not all the time, not by everyone. But just enough to get under your skin from time to time.
speaking from personal experience, the stress of having to be constantly vigilant can be overbearing sometimes. checking out a cafe in paris, not knowing if you can relax or if the waiter will ignore you. being on the beach in the caribbean, not knowing you can let go and soak in the sun or if someone is going to hurl a racial slur at you to amuse themselves (at your expense). getting that upgrade to first class, not knowing if you can exquisitly enjoy a glass of champagne or if a band of roving mid western teeangers are going to wonder loudly about mongolian spots, or monkeys in first class.
our very culture is racist, valuing european foods, culture and traditions over all else.
these things are a given. yet it is hard for a white person to understand. even a well-meaning one like my wife.
you are not oversensitive.
the things ARE happening to you. the question is what is the way you will respond?
I can guarantee you that a biracial boy who grew up into a proud black man experienced a lot of this. He somehow got through it. Today, he is the President of the United States of America.
“The truth of the matter is that the world is still very much a racist place.”
Agreed. The bigger problem is even the non-whites have so much white bias that they give a dark-skinned woman’s role to a white woman….
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2190925/How-Amy-Jackson-plucked-obscurity-hottest-new-star-Bollywood.html
Increasingly even fair skinned Indian women are being displaced by white western women in Bollywood and the Indian clowns pay a lot of money to see them.
“here is simply no way to go from 500 years of global white colonialism to color blind egalitarian utopia in the span of only 50 years.”
However, it will very much help if the Indians dont take actions to uphold white supremacy.
“how you experience it will be shaped by the color of your skin. Not all the time, not by everyone. But just enough to get under your skin from time to time.”
Yes. Where are you really from?
“being on the beach in the caribbean, not knowing you can let go and soak in the sun or if someone is going to hurl a racial slur at you to amuse themselves (at your expense). ”
The Caribbean is mostly black..one can hope the powers that be dont allow white people to throw racial slurs at the locals…but then again, I do not know.
“getting that upgrade to first class, not knowing if you can exquisitly enjoy a glass of champagne or if a band of roving mid western teeangers are going to wonder loudly about mongolian spots, or monkeys in first class.”
Only in the western carriers…and usually it is the southern white teenagers and white sorority girls.
“our very culture is racist, valuing european foods, culture and traditions over all else.”
May be culture and traditions, but the whites I know prefer Asian foods…Indian and Thai restaurants are full of white people. Not to say they are not racists. There are many whites who love Asian food but deeply dislike the Asians or folks of Asian origin. Then there are the white Brits and the white Aussies. They work in the Middle East and Asia on fat expat salaries but many of them loath the locals and dont want to reciprocate..ie., dont want Asians living or working in their country.
“these things are a given. yet it is hard for a white person to understand. even a well-meaning one like my wife.”
Except that they are afraid of demographic changes and are worried that non-whites will do to them what the whites did to the non-whites. However, based on how Asians behave, I dont think it is going to happen.
I utterly agree with what you have experienced, I’ve seen friends go through the same BS. But here’s the rub, the other side you covet to experience is not as awesome as you think.
You get harassed at restaurants for not speaking Chinese well enough, when I sit down people will not even consider that I might be able to speak, they will talk to me in baby talk, talk rudely about me, the size of my boobs, ass, call me a hooker etc. assuming that I do not understand a word they’re saying. They will pretend not to understand me when I am talking to them, even though people on the phone have no issues. I’ve been in a cab, talking to a friend in Chinese, and after 10 minutes the cabby turned around, asking my friend if I could speak Chinese.
You can blend in in the street. Do people point and stare at you? You will not get spit on, called names or have people target you for not looking like the rest. No one will touch you, your hair especially, without permission.
How many times have you entered a clothing store and gotten told they do not have your size, since all foreigners are assumed fat. And then gotten handed a size 12 and told that will fit when you are a 4?
How often do you get ‘complimented’ on your chopstick skills?
You want the teaching jobs that I get randomly offered, you can have them, I am not a teacher, but people keep on insisting, even after getting told that no, I do not teach, I have a job, thanks.
How many times have you been propositions by taxi drivers, thinking you are a hooker? And no I do not dress like one.
How often has a taxi not taken you, only stopped to take a look at you and then driven off, cussing about foreigners?
“How many times have you been propositions by taxi drivers, thinking you are a hooker? And no I do not dress like one. ”
Try walking through the streets of Delhi, India, if you are a woman, woman of any race, but particularly white or East Asian woman.
I currently reside in Dubai. Been here for almost 2 years now. And to tell you the truth, not a day goes by that I regret coming here. The level of racism here is through the roof. I am originally from Pakistan. This restricts me to the lower side of the Expat class. More than half of the decent jobs go to the WHITE expats. And ninety-nine percent of those have probably never had a decent job in the West. The expat Arabs come second followed by the Asians (Filipinos and Chinese etc). Then Indians, Pakistanis and the Bengalis. Pay-scale largely depends on the skin of your colour and sometimes upon your gender (read “attractive white females”). It is believed here that if you are white you immediately have superior intellect and excellent English language skills (doesn’t matter if you are some High School dropout from Poland and have hardly spoken English before). Therefore you deserve stature of a god/goddess.
I have seen hardship in my life despite my young age (24 now). Saw poverty in childhood. But things got much better with time, financially. Then right after I got admission in Engineering College on scholarship I was diagnosed with Leukemia. Struggled for my life as I finished the degree. But then the real hell begun as I came to Dubai. I have never felt bad about my complexion (which is fair for my own people) but after the time in Dubai, I honestly wish I were white. If you aren’t white, you don’t deserve to live.
Anderson:
I hear that there are segregated white clubs in Dubai and the whites especially Brits get drunk and yell racial slurs at the non-whites, including anti-moslem tirades!
If you come to Dubai you would face the same experience. Here too Caucasian westerners do think they are better than others. In fact in Dubai legally a positive discrimination can be done to a westerner by paying him a higher salary than that to a similarly qualified non-westerner.
I would say Dubai is far more worse than China in any way…
I feel your pain. Your note just reminded me all the bad racist experiences in China. Well, I’m kind of Asian looking Eurasian, born to a white European woman and raised by her and my white relatives, but everyone in China thought I was Chinese. While all my white friends were getting complements on how good their Chinese was after saying “ni hao” in bad tones I was just looked down at cause I don’t speak Chinese fluently (my father isn’t even Chinese!) and don’t “act Asian”. Every time when I was telling people where I’m from they just didn’t believe that I’m not Asian. Some would even laugh behind my back saying stuff “Lol! He thinks he’s white”, but all I was saying is just “Eurasian” not “white”. Or they just looked down on my cause I’m not pure blooded… what a strange kind of racism! They treat white people like gods, but at the same time they look down at you cause you are half white…That’s so annoying and frustrating >.< Growing up in racist and xenophobic Central Europe I always thought I would feel better in Asia, but honestly I didn't. What i can see from my experiences is that Asians (born and raised in Asia) are actually far more racist than Westerners…
I just came across your blog.
Firstly, I’d like to congratulate you for a wonderful and inspiring blog.
Secondly, I’d like to thank you for your honest and painful account. I am sorry that there are so many ignorant people in the world. As a Eurasian who has travelled in Europe and Asia, I have seen many of the scenarios you describe. All I can say is that you are not alone!
Hi Edna,
first,I wanted to tell you that I really like your blog, the inspirations and photos you’re providing your readers with and your open-mindedness.I am a global mind myself with an international background,therefore I can somehow relate to what you’re writing and I find much pleasure in reading your posts.
I am quite shocked to read about your experiences with racism in China,Europe and Australia and I find it awful that you have to go trough this.Although I am European with Serbo-Croatian roots (being pale and blending in perfectly) having grown up in Germany,some of my family members and even me were confronted with some kind of xenophobia in Western Europe and especially in Germany.Here and also in many other Western European countries people from Eastern Europe are constantly confronted with xenophobic comments and attitudes and it is more than obvious that they feel superior to people coming from countries in these European region. Some female Russian friends of mine have had really bad and awkward experiences in Italy and France,especially if they had an Italian or French partner.They were confronted with hostile comments from the women over there and more or less accused of “stealing” their men and being gold-diggers…I have quite a few French and Italian friends myself and they have a completely different attitude and they are very tolerant.But actually it scares me that you can conclude that those hostile people do actually feel superior to Eastern European folks,and specifically to the women…My Russian friends also had a hard time finding female friends in Paris and told me that French women avoided and ignored them constantly.In the end they found friends in the Parisian expat community or they sticked with other Russian or Ukrainian women.
Well,this was another point of view and has less to do with racism.But I just thought I share my experiences with xenophobia and intolerance abroad.The point is:Stay strong and ignore those rude people.They are basically afraid of everything that is foreign and different,they are afraid of otherness and they’ve never learned the meaning of tolerance and open-mindedness.Stay the way you are!
Bon lundi!
Reading some of this stuff just reminds one who is non-white just how much more complicated things could be to living exclusively a whole life outside of North America.
It’s less staring when cycling in rural areas of Canada –Maritime provinces 18 yrs. ago compared to now. I think. I’m Canadian-born and have never lived anywhere else outside of Canada, but have lived in southern Ontario, major cities across 3 provinces.
Sorry to hear the hassling still goes on that’s similar to when I travelled in Europe 25 years ago and most recently in Germany, Denmark, etc. 2 yrs. ago. When one is a cyclist, one really stands out and no, I can’t afford to drag extra weight of expensive looking clothes on bike just to be treated better in stores. C’est la vie!
YES U HAVE TO ACCEPT IT COS OF THE BAD BEHAVIOURS OF MOST ALL THE CHINESE TOURISTS EVERYWHERE THEY GO.ONLY NATURAL FOR WHITES TO LOOK DOWN ON CHINESE..NO MATTER IF UR FROM AMERICA,AUSTRALIA,EUROPE,SINGAPORE OR MALAYSIA.ALL THE CHINESE FROM ALL THESE COUNTRIES WILL ALWAYS BE TAUGHT OF AS FROM CHINA.PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS.
It’s really a sad world that we are living in, isn’t it? I’m Asian myself, and even though i have never been to Europe, America, or the Oceania countries , I completely understand what you are trying to say. Because where I live, the local people also ‘look up’ to the caucasians and consider them to be more ‘superior.’ This is not always the case, of course, but usually it is. I try not to be one of those people, but in the end I still have this feeling of ‘inferiority’ simply because I’m Asian. It’s really embarrassing to admit, but whenever I talk to a white person there’s always this feeling in my subconscious that makes me feel more inferior than the white person that I’m talking to simply because I’m Asian, and also because i’m short (170cm) which is, like you said, a typical Asian stereotype. Maybe I also have Napoleon Complex? I think I do. :S
Also, I have been trying so hard to convince myself that everybody in the society is equal, and it shouldn’t matter if you’re white/black/Asian/Latino etc.., if you are rich/poor, if you are straight/gay/transgender etc… (and the list goes on and on). And I truly and strongly believe that everybody should be equal. But yet, this inferiority complex always creeps up on me, all the time! I just wish that these labels did not exist.
Well, we are living in a world full of ignorant people after all. I mean, if I even feel that I’m ‘inferior’ simply because I’m Asian, why wouldn’t an ignorant white person feel that way towards me as well?
This is heartbreaking, Edna.
There’s a lot of racism in Mexico too but it’s mostly towards their own citizens! My boyfriend’s Mexican and he happens to live in one of the poorer areas of the city (where a lot of indigenous people live). Whenever we walk around together, people are constantly staring because, as a “white girl”, I shouldn’t be “lowering myself” to dating a poor Mexican guy.
My landlord (who’s Mexican) is also incredibly horrible to him – Saying I can “do better” than that “type” of person.
It breaks my heart. And hearing about the things that are thrown your way too absolutely kills me. Especially because I’m going back to the UK for the summer and have seen firsthand how much the “Go back to where you came from” attitude is rife there. :(
You’re right about the US though. I know there’s racism still in that country but I’ve never seen a place of such kind, warmhearted, open people before. And the multiculturalism there is incredible.
Hi Edna,
I know it’s been a while since you’ve written this post, but I still felt compelled to leave a comment, just because it makes me so incredibly sad (and kind of mad) that this kind of racism still exists in our world. I’m happy enough that I haven’t been singled out in any way for my race yet, but I suppose it’s because I’m kind of a special case.
I’m half-Caucasian and half-Asian (my mother’s Chinese, my father’s German), so I neither really look white nor Asian – I’d almost say I fall under the radar because my appearance doesn’t clearly show where I’m from. This can be both a curse and a blessing, though growing up in Germany has shielded me from that in part. I think that because of its past, Germany is very, very sensitive to racism, however it still exists, though it’s more subtle. That doesn’t make it better in any way, but different.
I think that some of the biggest problems with racism don’t come from actual threats, but the little prejudices in the heads of people who don’t even have bad intentions, but just don’t realize their harmful thoughts. It breaks my heart that mixed-race couples still have to face so many obstacles – you’d think that people would have gotten used to it by now… Growing up, my parents’ relationship was the most normal thing in the world and to this day it still is.
I hope you’ll make some better memories in the future and will one day find a place – apart from the US – where you’ll feel completely accepted! :)
xx
Melanie
Hi Edna,
I’ve been living in United Arab Emirates for the past 8 years and in a relationship with an English man and I can relate to what you are saying, I am from the Philippines and I am a Filipino, I have travelled few places too but all I can say is that this world is quite harsh when you are Asian regardless where you go. I will always get that look as if I am a gold digger though I am working a decent office work job in here. I was once called “Chinese are better and cheaper than you” implying that all Asian are hookers over here. I normally walk straight and don’t look at people but sometimes it will break my heart to feel little only because of where I came from. And true, no matter how good my english and conversation skills, at the end of the day they will still consider me as someone who came from third world which is a bit pathetic and sad.
I did study abroad in Spain. On my very first day when our director picked us up from the airport, she asked me where I was from. I proudly told her I went to the most diverse high school in America, to which she responded: “immigration is a huge problem here too.” That comment set the tone for a lot of the political incorrectness I observed there. Granted, it wasn’t something I thought about very much since I look latina, but it did kind of bother me to see the heads of muslims/moors in the Church of Santiago de Compostella (guy who got Spain back from the Moors).
I also visited Isreal a few years ago, while I had a lovely time in the country, the borders were horrendous. As some one of muslim origin, I spent hours at these checkpoints – and found that seeing the dead sea, jerusalem, the judean dessert was not worth it because of the blatant discrimination I faced in the airport. After I was done crying when they meticulously searched my dirty underwear IN PUBLIC, a guard told me comfortingly, “I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now ma’am.” I could only smile internally at the irony of her statement through tears. I’m sure her ancestors could imagine exactly how I felt.
I’m very sorry that you’ve faced this kind of discrimination, and can only hope that American imperialism also exports our politically correctness along with McDonalds and Dominoes. On a brighter note, some of the friendliest people countries I’ve visited are Italy, Turkey, and Mexico. God I love Mexico, visit those!
Despite the unpleasant experiences that I have had, would I ever stop traveling? No. A little adversity can be good for the soul. In fact I’m getting ready for my next big trip – to China and Southeast Asia! I’m sure that my nondescript ethnic features, my Somalian American friend, and my incredibly light skinned Arab American friend will confuse the hell out of everyone we meet!
Hello
I know it has been a while you’ ve posted this article but a friend just posted on her FB page and I wanted to share my experience.
I am sorry you ve been through all this and I know the pain and anger it provokes.
Let me introduce myself quickly: I am 30, my parents are born in Viet Nam, I am born in Paris and lived in 7 different countries, but I feel french more than anything. I ve spent a third of my life in the US between NY (BS at NYU) and CA (MS at Stanford) I have 3 nationalities: French, American and Qatari (worked here for 3hrs now.) I have travelled in over 60 countries maybe even 80, I have lost track.
I think it is quite ironic from an American to writte such article as an American from the US. I have encounted the most racists in the USA than anywhere else in the world. At school students would make fun of me and repeatedly talk funny and immitate chinese language or just laugh in my face. That was mostly in NY. I have never been so self conscious about being asian in the USA. Anywhere they ask your ethnicity as they absolutely want you to feel that way and constantly remind you, you are asian, never forget that. I grew up in a white neighborhood and never had asian friends or girlfriends. In the USA, I was so self conscious I d never ask a white girl to date me. In France, it is so easy, I ve dated, black, arabic, blondes, redhead… In the US I was limited to asian and maybe I could have an opening with latinas. When i ve dated a french carabbean, we d hold hand in NYC and people would stare at us.
I am also surprised you associate Ireland as Europe. Do you realize how many countried there are here and how we are all so different from each other? I don t see you associate China with Asia? Are Chinese similar to Afghans, Philippinos or Brunei?
Revolution has to start from you (said Ghandi)
I love americans from the US but I think the system and the politics do everything to encourage communautarism and to divide ehticities. Why? The more you divide and categorize the more and better you control.
In europe it is forbidden to make stats about ethnicities. In the USA we call races. There is only one race: human being.
I ve talked to many of my US friends and we agree on this: US Americans are pathological racists.
Sometimes you d read an article about a black man killed by a bunch of racists. In France, if you had such thing happening, there d be riots.
So all in all I am surprised that you are.. surprised because at home it is about the same but people are maybe more subtle, civilized about it.
Hi Edna,
I’m sorry for all the racism you have experienced in the West but let me assure it is not easy being a white guy in China either. I studied there for one semester last year in Beijing and faced a lot of racial abuse from the locals. Here are just some examples that stand out:
1. I was with a group of friends from Canada, all Asian-Canadians except me, when we tried to enter a popular nightclub. The tough wannabe guys at the door told my friends in Mandarin that this club was for locals only and since I was clearly not Chinese, I could not come in. We argued but to no avail. First time I have ever been discriminated due to my race.
2. Another incident at a nightclub, I was attacked by a group of spoiled fuerdai because they thought my Chinese female friend was my girlfriend and they told me in English (in a North American accent!?) that I should stick to my own women. Security at the club did nothing and even sided with the locals. What really angers me is how my Korean/Japanese/Singaporean friends never faced this sort of discrimination because they could pass as a local.
3. There was an incident of a foreigner raping a local girl that was caught on video and spread on Chinese media. For the next few days, my classmates would ask me if I was that guy in the video or that I looked like him (not sure if it was a joke or not but I was totally uncalled for).
There were so many other minor incidents, like the hostile stares and the casual racial slurs, but I never let those negative experiences bother me. Racist people should be pitied for being so ignorant, don’t feed the troll!
@Andrew..Edna faced racism BOTH in Asia and in western countries.
George, that’s an interesting fact you pointed out. However, I believe the racism she faces is more due to her Westernized mentality than anything else. People in China hate Asians who try to “act white.” They are called bananas in China for being yellow on the outside but white inside. Just look at the current American ambassador who is a third generation Chinese American. Some in the media have referred to him as “hanjian” for taking actions that go against the interests of China even though he is the AMERICAN ambassador and represents all Americans. Chinese people just do not understand multiculturalism. If I had to come up with a social hierarchy in China, it would go as follows:
Rich Chinese (or other light-skinned Asians who can pass as Chinese)
White
Non-white foreigners
Poor Chinese
As you can see, the way you are treated in China if you look like a local is completely dependant on how rich you appear. Whites usually get treated well because we are assumed to be all well-off compared to the average local. Africans get treated badly because they are assumed to be poor. It has everything to do with money. As China gets richer and loses their inferiority complex, I believe their treatment of foreigners will worsen. My own experiences have shown that a tiny minority of them have already adoped this arrogant mentality. I hope China will not become like Japan or South Korea were the locals tend to be really xenophobic and look down on ALL foreigners. Anyways, just my thoughts!
Good thing Edna has not been to South Africa yet. If she went there with her white fiance the stink of racism she will get from the white Afrikaans women will make her throw up…not make her want to throw up..but actually throw up.
No, you are not over-sensitive and I call this sort of an “racism turned around”- the question is turned around to what ore which way? I intend to write on this topic on my not yet started, but already parked blog later on. We are also a n Asianorigin-grown up in Europe/Austrain couple and have not only had our issues with pple in the authorities, the streets- in Turkey, I was told by bypassers to behave like a decent Muslim wife (!!) , in Europe I get my share of looks, when we are together, they cane be even dirtier and if I speak back in German, the jaws drop to the ground and if I read a newspaper, they think, I just look at he pictures! In my Asian country of origin , my husband – the European Gora- was the one, by whose virtue, I got the more preferential treatment – be it at the airport, at the shopping (where I tried to make him go away, b/c as soon as he was around the prices tripled!) , but when they realized, I speak the native language – they can get disappointed!, personal, offensive, judgemental….We don’t fit anywhere, except in being our own twosome. I think, in this short comment, I just scratched on the very superficial aspect…, but thanx to my genetic origin, my upbringing in the west, my attitude in life (independence in decision making and persecuting it) voicing my thought and not accepting bigotry and prejudice, at the end of the day, I am happy with myself! Yes, I also hate that, where you come from originally! question, and the second one is usually: and didn’t your family object to your marriage?
Just was blogging about my experience in Europe and ran into your post. LOVED IT. Thanks for the honest post. Could relate to it even though I’m Korean and not American. But I grew up going to an international school and lived in U.S. for a few years. Having a Korean passport doesn’t help, of course :S. http://summerinsea.com/2013/04/20/encountering-racism/
I was born and raised in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and I am of Chinese heritage. Toronto is a very ethnically diverse city, and I have unquestioningly always felt that I am accepted and welcome here. I’ve travelled to other parts of Canada and the United States (Orlando, New York, Las Vegas, Chicago). But I had never traveled to Europe. So you can imagine how excited I was when I went to England for a whole month last summer. I was staying in central London with my friends, so I did not anticipate any sort of racism. After all, London is a bustling, multicultural city like Toronto, right? Well, as time passed, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t really welcome there. A lot of it was very subtle. A shift in social cues and dynamics that was so nuanced that I thought I wasn’t sure at first if I was just imagining it. People avoiding eye contact, shopkeepers losing their smiles as soon as I walked up, mocking stares by teenagers. I was travelling with my friend, who is Caucasian, and I noticed that even if I was in a restaurant or shop with him, the servers would only address him or, in some cases, maintain eye contact with him even when I was the one doing the talking. Even he started to notice the way people were reacting to me and commented on it. I was relieved, because it meant I wasn’t going crazy, but disappointed in the reality of it. The trip was also punctuated by three incidents in which people came up to me and sang variations of ‘Ching Chong’ or ‘Chop Suey!’. I have NEVER encountered this sort of overt racism in my home city. That said, there were a few examples of strangers who were very kind and welcoming to me. And I appreciated that very much. But it really made me realize how much I took for granted the thousands of ways in which the people in Toronto make me feel welcome everytime I walk outside the door. Little things really do add up.
@Mr. Lacoste…it could have been worse if you were walking around the UK with a white girlfriend. London is today where Toronto was in the 1970s and Vancouver in the 1980s. I always thought Winnipeg and St. John’s Newfoundland were the best cities in North America and outside Singapore, perhaps the best cities in the world for tolerance.
Sorry to hear about your experiences. I have to say that being of Anglo-Saxon descent and being female has been a lethal combination in my time living in Asia (China, Korea and Indonesia) and in Latin America (Nicaragua, Colombia, Peru and Costa Rica). The stereotype is that you must be: rich, easy, stupid and out to party and, of course, you couldn’t possibly be fluent in any other language but English. Even if you are. They just want to use you for free English lessons, economic security and free party. And the men! Wow, the chauvinism is extreme. If you don’t mind being talked to like you are a stupid idiot just because you are female and that femaleness that makes you so stupid is compounded by the fact that you are Anglo Saxon in their eyes. The ignorance about this also exists all of the U.S. wherever you find large pockets of latinos living together. And, unfortunately since I come from a poorer family, I had to live in these neighborhoods. Which wouldn’t have been bad except for the constant racial and sexual harassment. I guess you aren’t allowed to be from the lower class, be Anglo Saxon (you aren’t allowed to call yourself white in Latin America. And you aren’t allowed to call yourself American either!), and female because they just want to pin the spoiled rich bitch from a privileged ethnic group stereotype to you. And they do it with impunity.
“The stereotype is that you must be: rich, easy, stupid and out to party and, of course, you couldn’t possibly be fluent in any other language but English.”
Strange…you left out the part that many white women in Asia are stereotyped as racist…and some white women reinforce that racist stereotype by saying things on the blog…
When I was 15, I went on vacation with my friend Amy, her Mom (Singaporean) and her Dad (French-Canadian.) At one point her Dad was taking us around the city and had his arm around his kid’s shoulder, and a passerby sneered “disgusting!” as he walked by.
I didn’t understand then what could possibly be wrong with a Dad walking around arm in arm with his daughter. 10 years later, I still don’t get it, to be perfectly honest
Wow. That’s all I can say. Your story is very touching and incredibly candid. I caught myself wondering if I had ever inadvertently offended someone because of a thoughtless question. I’m sure I have..we all have, but it just goes to show how racism is such a complicated problem. Some people are overtly racist while others are completely ignorant to the fact that they are being offensive. Thanks for sharing this post!
Great article, and it sums up many of my experiences too.
I just came across your post and couldn’t even believe how insanely similar our experiences have been. I am Taiwanese-American and have been living in London for about 5 and a half years now (HOW HAVE I SURVIVED). The amount of utter mouth garbage that has been and continues being flung at me is unbelievable. And the most infuriating thing is when you DO yell something sassy back and they have no idea what you said. Who invented what languaged now, what? Keep trucking girl, one day the masses will believe us when tell them what actually happens to us in other parts of the world. At least we can say that we’ve learned to appreciate the US (or at least California, for me) so so so much more. Keep in touch if you’d like to have a chat.
I just recently found your blog/this post, and your post sums up the past 4 months I spent studying in Granada, Spain. I’m Thai-American and have lived in the US my entire life. Don’t get me wrong, I fell head-over-heels in love with Spain…but there were a lot of times I actually missed the US because of the comments I received from the Spaniards. When I wasn’t getting “hola china” or “ni hao!” I had guys come up to me and just start singing/dancing Gangnam Style (this happened….a LOT). Or, they would just try convince me that I’m NOT from the US and that I’m really Korean…or Japanese…or Chinese (once this guy asked me where I was from and I told him the US; his response? “No…but you look Asian…”).
Also, my best friend who was studying abroad with me at the time looked Spanish (she’s actually half Cuban), so whenever we were out at restaurants or stores, people would completely ignore me and go straight to her. Because of this, she did a lot of the talking whenever we were out, which made me disappointed because I was there to practice Spanish. Obviously I did try to push myself into conversations, but it was difficult.
I’m not going to lie. It bothered me a lot at first, especially since I’m so used to having a diverse group of friends back at home. It was also my first time abroad for an extended amount of time and my goal was to make Spain my home. But it was hard to do that with people constantly reminding me that I’m different…that I don’t belong there. In the end I just sucked it up and tried to not let it get to me. I always wondered whether or not I was overreacting or being too sensitive, but seeing your post made me feel better to know that I’m not the only one!
Question: how do you deal with it now, a year later? Do you still say something to them or do you just let it slide?
On a more positive note, I’m in love with your blog and everything you’re doing is just inspiration for what I want to do once I graduate college. Thanks for sharing your experiences. :)