Lessons from an Irish wedding

I haven’t attended many weddings in my life. I was a flower girl in a couple weddings when I was a kid; once, during my college Starbucks days, I barista-ed the bar at my boss’ wedding (yes, it was a dry wedding with a coffee bar). As a violist, I played a few ceremonies where the couple would invite the musicians to stay for the reception. And the rest of my wedding tradition knowledge comes from stalking friends’ wedding albums on facebook (Hey, we all do it. Don’t pretend you don’t.).

So I’m by no means an expert on weddings. But from those small experiences over the years (…and a recent surge of facebooked wedding photos), I have an idea of how an American wedding is supposed to go down.

Obviously, I wasn’t expecting an Irish wedding to be exactly the same. In fact, generally the traditions are very similar. But there were little things that caught me off guard. Here are some things that made me stop and go, Well, that’s different.

Rehearsal Dinner: Not a thing.

The rehearsal dinner is basically a chance for the wedding party’s closest family and friends to meet and celebrate the upcoming nuptials. I remember the ones I attended as being very warm and intimate, and I was really looking forward to attending this one — especially since I thought it would be a nice way to meet Mike’s best friends for the first time.

Well, turns out this is an American tradition. Instead of a nice night spent at dinner, the wedding party had a quick rehearsal at the church, then everyone went off on their own. Mike and I ended up just going for a walk around town — which in tiny Ballinasloe, basically meant going to the Tesco and back.

It is totally acceptable to go for a pint right before the wedding.

Or two…or three. Before heading to the church, everyone on the groom’s side — including the groom — first made a stop into the local pub (which, of course, was conveniently located just down the street).

I’d heard of people taking a shot just before a wedding to calm the nerves, but never actually stopping for a proper pint. I was under the impression that at weddings, people spent at least an hour or so getting ready in the church. We went straight from the pub to the church only 20 minutes before the wedding was supposed to start. The guests had already started arriving, and as soon as everyone had found their seats, the ceremony began. I guess at least this way, everything happens so quickly there’s no time to get cold feet!

Those hats really happen.

While watching the Royal Wedding last year, my friends and I spent a large proportion of the time, um, …admiring all the hats involved. I think we even included them in our drinking game.

Well, turns out they’re not just for the fancy weddings. Large hats, small hats, side hats, bright hats (Dr. Seuss would’ve had a field day) — I don’t have a single photo where a hip hat or feathery fascinator isn’t also making an appearance.

All about Catholic mass…

So for one thing, the two-hour ceremony we sat through was actually the short version of mass.

I also learned that I feel awkward in religious ceremonies where every other minute there’s a prayer or hymn, or Communion, or that time set aside for the “Peace Be With You”s. Especially when the bride’s guests are all pretty Catholic and observing every moment of it.

Relatedly, one more lesson: The cushioned plank of wood under each seat is NOT a footrest. It’s for people to kneel on when they pray. Use it as a footrest and prepare to feel like a douche when mass begins and you realize what it’s actually for.

Check the sports calendar when setting a wedding date.

Otherwise, do not be surprised when the majority of your guests are in the hotel bar during the reception, watching Ireland play Scotland in the Six Nations.

Don’t expect to sit with your date.

If your date is a member of the wedding party, that is. As groomsman, Mike was seated at a head table with the bride and groom — and dates weren’t allowed up there. I don’t know if this happens at American weddings too, but my empirical evidence (mostly facebook photos and articles on Martha Stewart Weddings) so far has shown it does not. At any rate, it was slightly upsetting when I found out, and I felt validated that all my American friends were utterly shocked I wouldn’t be able to sit next to Mike at dinner.

Everyone really does love a Galway Girl.

Despite the minor misunderstandings and missteps (I seriously felt bad about that footrest thing), I was still very grateful to be a part of the weekend’s celebrations. Ultimately, no matter the variation in customs, it’s always wonderful to be able to witness such a beautiful and heartfelt celebration of love.