Life in flux

Switzerland by Expat Edna

The past week — and this month in general — has just left my head spinning. My stomach is constantly fluttering with so many butterflies I feel like a colony of caterpillars is crawling through my insides while I’m on a roller coaster going through airplane turbulence.

It’s both exhilarating and annoying (really, there’s only so much intestinal caterpillar tickling one can take) and I don’t even know where to begin.

***

I’ll just say this: I know I am at a crossroads.

It’s not some fleeting quarter-life crisis feeling. No, it’s as if I am standing on the map of my life and I can very clearly see that this is the moment everything changes. That fork in the road Robert Frost talks about? I am there, right now. I can practically see it, touch it in front of me.

Except there is no fork, there is just a one-way arrow. Something in my gut is telling me that years from now I will look back and say — just like I can say 2008 in China changed everything — that this time, the summer of 2013, that’s when everything changed again.

Every time I’ve left a country up until now — from the US to China to Singapore to Australia to France — it’s just been ‘the next step’. Each move was just for an adventure and a laugh. Each saw me with a different type of job and visa; no city was serious or permanent.

But this next move, the one I’m preparing to make in a month’s time — well, it could be the one that changes everything.

It could also turn out to be nothing in the end. But even if I fail, it will have changed the course in a major way.

So, there’s that.

***

June itself has been a clusterfudge of change and surprise with a lot of late nights and goodbyes.

My social life has not slowed down this month, if anything it’s gone into overdrive — my google calendar is a sea of color-coded parties and dinners and friend dates — but the company has changed. Friendships I thought were solid have faded into the background, while people I’d considered mere acquaintances for ages have unexpectedly stepped up to the plate to become star confidantes and partners-in-crime.

You know that terrible realization of Man, I guess I didn’t really know that person at all? Well, sometimes that can actually turn out to be a positively delightful surprise.

And so Paris has become even more fun than I expected at the eleventh hour, though with different company than I’d expected to see out my time here.

***

Then there was last week.

The three days of that weekend I hardly slept, between Fête de la Musique and packing up my apartment — which I’ll explain in more detail soon — which lasted well into early Monday morning, when I closed the door on my apartment for the last time and handed back my keys.

So there I was at 8 am, dragging my worldly possessions halfway across Paris, a hot sweaty hobo-looking mess getting all sorts of stares on the metro. Once resettled at my new temporary flat, I then had to unpack all my boxes from the weekend so I could repack a suitcase for Switzerland (and no, I couldn’t have prepared it beforehand, don’t bother suggesting it).

But by noon I was on the TGV speeding towards Lausanne. By nightfall I was in Switzerland, sitting high above Lake Geneva, drinking champagne while staring at the mountains of France across the lake.

As I wrote on facebook: I can’t even comprehend that this is my life sometimes.

***

I’ve always felt this strange dichotomy with my work trips. Last week I was staying up all night to the sun, up all night for good fun [couldn’t resist], living spontaneously, hardly a care in the world. My biggest decision was which Belgian beer I wanted to drink next.

This week I’m in in suits with my hair pulled back, hanging out with International Olympic Committee contacts in my free time, having lunch at UEFA (European Football) headquarters, preparing for an event with Jacques Rogge (IOC president, folks!) this weekend and the IOC extraordinary session next week.

Lunchtime conversations now revolve the upcoming IOC elections, the Confederations Cup, and speculation about our colleague on the Istanbul 2020 bid team (they’ve got to be having a tough time now, no?).

I spent the other night holed up in my hotel room for hours, editing sports articles and sports photos while Spain v Italy played on the tv in the background. I was drowning in sport and I felt so content.

***

So that’s a glimpse into my headspace and where I am right now, which is just all over the shop between work and friends and moving. I hope this explains the radio silence for the past couple weeks.

I still have so much I want to write about — Corsica, my road trip to Belgium two weeks ago, Switzerland, not to mention oh my god so many Paris posts — but it will likely have to wait until I return to Paris next week.

In the meantime, if anyone knows how to cure a bad case of butterflies in the stomach, let me know. They’re driving me nuts in there.

I may not be updating the blog as much, but for updates to see if I’m still alive check out facebook and twitter.

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59 Comments

  • Reply
    Danielle
    June 29, 2013 at 23:45

    Oh, darling, I am so excited for the wonder that awaits you! I feel the butterflies, too. Can’t wait to visit :)

    • Reply
      edna
      June 30, 2013 at 10:38

      Thank you my dear! I cannot wait for you to visit either. It will be wonderful :)

  • Reply
    Jessica J. Hill
    June 30, 2013 at 05:25

    You certainly have a lot going on. You’re amazing just for juggling all the things you do. Look on the bright side – butterflies in the stomach mean life is changing and spontaneous and exciting, which is much better than being stuck in one place, dull and boring. Good luck!

    • Reply
      edna
      June 30, 2013 at 10:40

      Thanks Jessica! “Butterflies mean life is changing and spontaneous and exciting” — I love that, and of course you are so right.

  • Reply
    Jessica of HolaYessica
    June 30, 2013 at 10:55

    Good luck with your big change! I’m afraid I have no cure for the butterflies in the stomach thing – that’s the worst.

    • Reply
      edna
      July 2, 2013 at 18:58

      Thanks Jessica! Ah I’ll be alright, a couple G&Ts seem to be helping ;)

  • Reply
    Jennyphoria
    June 30, 2013 at 11:59

    I know that feeling you mean – that whole butterflies/crossroads thing. The only way through is to relax into it. Know you can’t make a wrong choice because every choice you’re making is taking you closer to where (and to who) you want to be. Remember that it’s a gift. That some people never get to feel this alive. You will do great things. Just relax, breathe, trust. Bon courage, ma belle. Stay in touch!

    • Reply
      edna
      July 2, 2013 at 18:59

      I love all of this! Thanks for the sweet and meaningful advice, Jenny. Of course I’ll stay in touch, and you must visit when I’m settled into my new place!

  • Reply
    connie
    June 30, 2013 at 12:14

    I think it’s just so wonderful that you are such a free spirit able to travel for please and for work and being so successful in your work at such a young age too! Good for you and please do continue your blog…love the photos and your musings too!

    • Reply
      edna
      July 2, 2013 at 19:00

      Thanks so much Connie! Of course I’ll continue, I love sharing my photos and musings :)

  • Reply
    Tatiana
    June 30, 2013 at 14:52

    This is awesome! I’m so envious! (Mostly of all the international jet setting!)

    I love change. I think it’s really good and I’m always looking to instigate more change in my life – instead of waiting for it to happen to me. Unfortunately, though, I’ve never done anything (yet at least) that transformed my life in some hugely magnificent way. Everything has been very gradual, slow – like a glacier. No speeding bullets, no butterflies.

    I suppose my life has been more like a walk through the forest. Strolling. Casual. But not that exciting.

    • Reply
      edna
      July 2, 2013 at 19:02

      I love change as well, that’s why I move countries every 18 months! I’m sure you’ll find your butterflies soon — a glacier is still a huge force to be dealt with. You just need the right catalyst :)

  • Reply
    Lil
    June 30, 2013 at 18:51

    Butterflies are good. And knowing what I know, your kind is definitely the good kind. Taking plunges every now and then is good for us. They bring us new understandings, heightened appreciations, and most importantly, building that all important self-character. Keep it up!

    • Reply
      edna
      July 2, 2013 at 19:02

      So, so true. Thanks Lil — and hopefully see you for a visit!

  • Reply
    Julika
    June 30, 2013 at 19:36

    I’m so excited for you! Can’t wait to hear how it all turns out — and I’m convinced you have an amazing future ahead of you! Enjoy the butterflies!

    • Reply
      edna
      July 2, 2013 at 19:03

      Thanks Julika! See you for a visit once I’m settled in :)

  • Reply
    Amanda
    July 1, 2013 at 22:40

    It is so awesome that you have International Olympic Committee contacts!!! HAVE SO MUCH FUN!!

    • Reply
      edna
      July 2, 2013 at 19:03

      Thanks Amanda! And I know. It’s kind of unreal.

  • Reply
    Daisy
    July 2, 2013 at 05:55

    I’m very excited for you too, Edna! Butterflies aside, I am very confident that you will find your way and that your life will continue to be amazing because YOU are amazing! Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

    • Reply
      edna
      July 2, 2013 at 19:04

      Thank you Daisy! That is very very sweet of you and I’m so happy to have connected with you in this crazy blogging world :)

  • Reply
    Alex @ ifs ands & butts
    July 2, 2013 at 12:32

    The blog will still be here, just keep living your life and enjoying the end of your time in Paris. Your adventures astound me and I can’t wait to hear where they bring you next (GERMANY?!! :D). I know the crossroads feeling, which is why I have avoided mine all together and kinda just kept hanging out. Cest la vie!

    • Reply
      edna
      July 2, 2013 at 19:07

      Aw thanks for the kind words and for the blog reassurance Alex! Trust me, don’t worry about the crossroads too much — sometimes you find they come to you! Besides, I’d be completely content having the adventures you’re having in Germany!

  • Reply
    Emily
    July 2, 2013 at 21:20

    I’m sad you’re leaving Paris, but I’m looking forward to hearing about your new adventures in a different country (especially the food). xoxoo

    • Reply
      edna
      July 31, 2013 at 00:59

      Thanks Emily! I’m sticking around a little while longer so would love to see you before I go.

      • Reply
        Emily
        August 15, 2013 at 16:31

        Of course! Just let me know when. :)

  • Reply
    Ceri
    July 3, 2013 at 17:10

    I’m so excited for you and so intrigued to find out where you’re going next. :D

    • Reply
      edna
      July 31, 2013 at 00:59

      Thanks Ceri! :)

  • Reply
    Lauren @ roamingtheworld
    July 3, 2013 at 22:58

    Could relate to so many things you mentioned here.
    Happy for you.
    Time of change. Makes sense you got a case of the butterflies.
    Deep breathing? Acknowledging the butterflies and asking yourself- what’s going on right now? in this moment? Are they fears? worries? Excitement?

    Excited for you!

    • Reply
      edna
      July 31, 2013 at 01:00

      Thanks Lauren! It’s a huge transition period, more than I even realized when I wrote this p0st…Hope you’re doing well with yours also!

  • Reply
    Brian
    July 4, 2013 at 07:46

    Sounds like an exciting time…Switzerland has gotta be my favorite country in Europe! Keep the food coming, I can’t wait to see all the Italian. Happy 4th!

    • Reply
      edna
      July 31, 2013 at 01:01

      Haha thanks B — still waiting for you to visit me out here!

  • Reply
    The Time-Crunched Traveler (Ellen)
    July 4, 2013 at 11:15

    I am happy and sad to say that I can totally relate to all you’re feeling and experiencing right now. I’ll be going through a similar move myself a few months down the road … best wishes to you.

    • Reply
      edna
      July 31, 2013 at 01:01

      Thanks Ellen — best of luck to you on your move as well!

  • Reply
    Arianwen
    July 10, 2013 at 03:33

    Yikes! That’s a great description of feeling nervous. Tell yourself it’s excitement rather than nerves, or remember the scariest thing you ever did and think ‘at least I’m not back about to do that’! Failing that, I find a glass of wine usually works wonders :)

    • Reply
      edna
      July 31, 2013 at 01:01

      Oh many beers and gin and tonics have helped :)

  • Reply
    Arianna
    July 11, 2013 at 00:34

    Your adventurous spirit is inspiring! So glad I came across your blog, I will be following!

    • Reply
      edna
      July 31, 2013 at 01:02

      Thanks Arianna!

  • Reply
    Erica
    July 11, 2013 at 21:23

    Imagine not being nervous and being comfortable or indifferent with everything changing, it wouldn’t be as interesting! Also, re: your very first description of feeling flutterings in your stomach- buying tape worms as a new dieting fad was not a good idea. You should get that checked.

    • Reply
      edna
      July 31, 2013 at 01:02

      Dang. I knew I did something wrong, shouldn’t have trusted that guy with the magic tapeworms after he mentioned something about a beanstalk.

  • Reply
    lostnchina
    July 15, 2013 at 19:55

    I so admire your ability to pick up your roots, bag up everything, and then whisk off to another country periodically. Most people like to have a feeling of “groundedness” or some kind of home base – maybe that’s where your butterflies are coming from. Hopefully, at least, the writing will provide some sort of grounding for you. Good luck on your latest move!

    • Reply
      edna
      July 31, 2013 at 01:04

      Thanks! Life has been too crazy even to write lately, but I’m really looking forward to getting back into it. I miss my blog buddies.

  • Reply
    Jess {JessinBelgium}
    August 1, 2013 at 12:03

    What a beautifully written post. I feel exactly the same at the moment, having just received my visa to work in London. And you have just described the feeling perfectly! One thing I know, change can be a very good thing and you never know until you try. I hope you adore Switzerland, Lausanne is lovely (fond memories eating pizzas and drinking panaches at the Brasserie du Chateau as a student…hopefully it is still as good!) Hang in there and in the meantime, we look forward to hearing more about your adventures “a la Suisse”.

    • Reply
      edna
      September 19, 2013 at 23:10

      Thanks Jess, glad you could relate! Can’t wait to hear about your move to London.

  • Reply
    Jenna
    August 1, 2013 at 12:30

    Change always tends to have that butterflies in stomach effect… if you didn’t have them, I would wonder if you weren’t human! ;) My fiancé spent some time in Lausanne and speaks so fondly of it, I’m sure you will fall right into the lifestyle Suisse. Enjoy your last bit of time in Paris, can’t wait to follow along on your next adventure.

    • Reply
      edna
      September 19, 2013 at 23:11

      Thanks Jenna! Hopefully Italy won’t disappoint as the next adventure.

  • Reply
    Jessica Wray
    August 7, 2013 at 03:19

    Enjoy it all and I still cannot wait to hear where you are off to next! Hopefully by now the butterflies have settled :) Have fun in Madrid!

    • Reply
      edna
      September 19, 2013 at 23:12

      Sorry to keep you waiting so long for the reveal! And I loved Madrid, I can’t wait to come visit again (and will definitely look you up when I do!)

  • Reply
    Michelle Elle
    August 19, 2013 at 09:24

    Enjoy those butterflies – it’s a sign that good things are coming your way ;). If you really want to try to get rid of them though… you should try some some ginger beer and screaming into your pillow :)

    • Reply
      edna
      September 19, 2013 at 23:12

      Mm, ginger beer. Never need an excuse for that :)

  • Reply
    Jess in Belgium: Super, Pretty, Funny {no. 34}
    August 20, 2013 at 14:58

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  • Reply
    Andi
    August 20, 2013 at 23:04

    I know that feeling! I felt it for the year leading up to graduating from Grad School and the year leading up to my wedding. I say embrace the butterflies!!! It means something BIG is about to happen! :)

    • Reply
      edna
      September 19, 2013 at 23:12

      Thanks Andi! Big changes indeed!!

  • Reply
    Natalia | Always Trekking
    September 9, 2013 at 07:28

    It’s good to hear that you are still around. I always figure that when travel bloggers go on a bit of a lull, it’s because they are having too much fun offline. ;)

    • Reply
      edna
      September 19, 2013 at 23:13

      It was a combination of fun and oh-my-god-what-is-happening-to-my-life. It was a crazy summer.

  • Reply
    emi
    September 19, 2013 at 05:15

    gorgeous picture! life changes are stressful but so exciting. glad to have discovered your blog! XOXO

    welltraveledwife.com

    • Reply
      edna
      September 19, 2013 at 23:14

      Thanks for dropping by :)

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